Singing Away in the Dark
by TheValetAndTheMaid
Summary: Anna Miller's life is anything but simple. A war widow and a single mother to her three children, she's trying hard to make ends meet. What happens, however, when someone from Downton hears her sing and invites her to perform for the Countess for her birthday? What happens when she meets John Bates? Will the dark clouds finally lift? Will she find love again? Find out here!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hi everyone! First of all, I just want to make it clear that this isn't a new fanfic. Well, not yet anyway. This is just a pilot chapter so that I can find out if people like the idea that I have. The idea for this fic has been floating around in my head for a while now and I just needed to get it out. I know how I want this fanfiction to go, but before I start writing it properly (behind the scenes because I need to get other fanfics finished first) I want to find out what people think. This won't be staying up for long - a day or two at most - but I would be so grateful if you would let me know what you think. Thank you and happy reading :)**

* * *

Once she had taken the final curler out of her hair, Anna set it down on her dressing table and started to run her fingers through her fair hair to separate the curls. To say that she was feeling nervous about her performance that evening was an understatement. For weeks, ever since she had been informed of her husband's death just days before the end of the war, she had spent most evenings singing in the Dog and Duck and the Grantham Arms to earn the money that she and her three children depended on. Tonight, however, she'd be singing for _the_ Countess of Grantham at Downton Abbey.

Just the other night, after she had finished her performance at the Grantham Arms and had been preparing to go home, she had been approached by a young woman. The young woman had complimented her on her voice before asking her if she would be willing to sing for her cousin's birthday. She had agreed there and then, thrilled at the thought of more work, but when the young woman had said that her cousin was the Countess of Grantham she had been lost for words. Never, in all her life, had she had an honour as great as that. There was one thing that had troubled her about it though.

How would the Crawleys feel about her, a middle-class woman, singing for them?

Would her being middle class bother them? Would they, like her, view her as unworthy to step foot inside their home?

She had raised those concerns to the young woman, whom she had learned was named Lady Rose MacClare, and once Lady Rose had promised her that the Countess and Lord of Grantham wouldn't look down on her she'd agreed to sing.

She just prayed that she didn't make a fool of herself.

She padded over to the full-length mirror after fixing her hair and a tearful smile appeared on her lips when she looked at her reflection. She hadn't noticed when she had been getting dressed, but she was wearing the exact same dress that she had worn on her final date with her husband. The last time she had been stood there in the dress, he had walked up behind her and laced his arms around her waist before kissing her on the neck and telling her that she looked beautiful.

She hadn't believed him, of course, being seven months pregnant with their darling Lily, but it had made her smile.

That was one of the things she had adored the most about him. He'd always known just what to say to make her smile.

Luckily, their children had taken after him in that regard and she never stopped smiling when she was around them.

The sound of the bedroom door opening brought her out of her thoughts a short time later and she turned around to see Grace, her seven-year-old, walk into the room with a pout. 'Mum, I want to play with my doll but Lily won't give it to me and she just screams at me if I try and take it off her,' Grace explained while walking over to her before she wound her arms around her waist and laid her head on her chest. 'Please, will you come downstairs and take it off her for me?'

Anna smiled and smoothed her hand over her little girl's raven hair before placing a kiss on her head. 'Come on then,' She then followed Grace out of the bedroom and down the stairs before the two of them walked into their sitting room and she walked over to where Lily was sitting on the floor. 'Lily, darling,' She knelt down in front of her eight-month-old. 'How about you give Grace her doll back and come and have a cuddle on the sofa with me?' She asked her softly.

Her little girl stared at her for a moment before dropping the doll on the floor and lifting both of her arms with a smile. She then picked her little girl up and balanced her on her hip before walking over to the sofa near the fire and lowering herself onto it. Once she'd gotten comfortable she pressed a kiss to the side of Lily's head and breathed in the smell of the soap that she had used to wash her hair earlier that night. Then she caught sight of Jack sitting in his father's chair.

Out of all three of her children, he was the one that she had been the most worried about since news of Edward's death reached them. When the two men from the war office had come knocking and told her that he had died in the Battle of Amiens, Jack had come into the hall and her heart had broken. He had stood in silence until she had finished talking to the men, but once she had closed the door behind them he had thrown his arms around her middle and burst into tears.

She had never heard him sob like that before and she hoped that she never would again.

Over the last couple of weeks, however, his heartbreak had turned to anger.

Edward had promised the children, something she had begged him not to do, that he was going to live through the war and return to them all in one piece. Now, of course, Jack felt as though he had broken that promise and he was furious. 'How could he do that to us?' He had asked her with tears rolling down his cheeks just days ago. 'How could he make a promise as important as that to all of us and then break it? How could he leave all of us on our own like this, mum?'

She didn't blame him for being angry with his father.

If she was honest, she felt quite irritated with him for making a promise to their children that he'd been unable to keep.

She knew, however, that his anger stemmed from his pain and she wanted nothing more than to ease that pain for him.

'Mum?' The sound of his voice brought her out of her thoughts and she offered him a smile.

'Yes?' She raised her brow.

He set his book down in his lap. 'Do you _have_ to go out tonight?'

'I'm afraid so, sweetheart,' She nodded. 'I'm expected at Downton and we need the money to get through next week.'

He gazed over at her in silence for a minute before leaning back in his father's chair and looking at his lap with a sigh.

'Jack, come here,' The sound of her voice made him lift his head. 'Grace, you too.'

He rose from the chair and Grace stopped plaiting her doll's hair and got up from the floor before both of them walked over to the sofa and sat on either side of their mother. 'I know that our situation isn't ideal right now,' She wrapped an arm around both of them and pulled them closer. 'I know that I go out a lot in the evenings and I know that you wish I didn't, but I'm doing this for the three of you. Not for me. I'm doing it because I adore you and want the best for you.'

'We know, mum,' Jack reassured her with a smile. 'We love you too.'

Grace tilted her head back on her mother's shoulder and looked up at her. 'Will it be like this forever?' She whispered.

'No,' Anna leaned her forehead against hers. 'It's just temporary until something better turns up.'

Grace giggled when her mother grazed her nose with her own.

'I want the two of you to be on your best behaviours for Mrs. Robins tonight. I want you to be polite and helpful and if she asks you to do something then I want you to do it,' Anna gave Jack and Grace a warm squeeze. 'If I come home to a good report, I'll give you both some pocket money and take you into town tomorrow morning for a couple of hours.'

The happiness that her children felt was evident on their faces. 'We'll be good, mum, I promise!' Jack gazed up at her.

'You have to get along with Lily, too.' She smirked at Grace.

Grace looked at her little sister before smiling when she reached out to pat her on the cheek. 'All right…' She nodded.

Just moments later, there was a knock on the front door and Anna lifted Lily out of her lap before placing her in Jack's and getting up from the sofa. 'That'll be Mrs. Robins,' She said before walking out of the sitting room and heading for the front door. 'Good evening, Mrs. Robins,' She smiled after opening the front door and moving to one side to let the elder woman step inside the cottage. 'Thank you so much for agreeing to look after the children for me while I'm out.'

'Of course, dear!' Mrs. Robins took off her hat and coat. 'They're all darlings and it's never a bother to babysit them.'

'Grace has been quite impatient for you to get here, so we should go through and let her see you,' Anna giggled before turning around and starting to walk back down the hall with Mrs. Robins behind her. 'Look who's here, you two,' She said after she and Mrs. Robins had entered the sitting room before Grace looked up and a bright smile crossed her lips.

'Mrs. Robins!' The seven-year-old rose from the sofa and hurried over to her before lacing her arms around her waist.

Anna giggled as she watched her daughter lie her head on the elder woman's chest before she glanced at the clock and checked the time. 'Goodness me, I have to go if I'm going to make it in time,' She realised before Jack stood from the sofa with Lily and walked over to her. She then accepted her little girl from him and held her close before stroking her fair curls. 'Goodnight, sweet-pea.' She whispered to her before pressing her lips against her forehead in a languid kiss.

Once she had finished saying goodnight to Lily she handed her over to Mrs. Robins before allowing Grace to enter her arms and hide her face in her dress. 'When it's bedtime, it's bedtime,' She reminded her while holding her near before Grace tilted her head back and nodded at her with a smile. She leaned down to kiss her hairline before letting go of her and turning to her son. 'I want you to help Mrs. Robins to look after your sisters, okay?' She caressed his cheek softly.

'I will, mum, I promise.' He reassured her before sliding his arms around her waist and lying his head on her shoulder.

She held him tight to her while combing her fingers through his short blonde hair. 'I don't care if you're mad at him or not,' She whispered to him after kissing him on the temple. 'Your father would be so proud of you if he were with us.'

Jack pulled back from her shoulder and gave her a tearful smile. 'He would?'

'Yes,' She nodded. 'And I _never_ want you to think otherwise.'

The two of them shared a smile before she took his face in her hands and left one last kiss to the centre of his forehead.

'I really do have to go now, my darlings, so I'll see you all in the morning.' She said to her children.

'Night, mum,' Grace and Jack replied before she walked out of the sitting room and went to put on her coat and hat.

She was still nervous about singing in front of the Countess of Grantham and her family that evening.

She was still worried that she was going to mess up and make a fool of herself.

The one thing that gave her some confidence, however, was knowing that she was providing for her beautiful children.

And that was all the motivation she would ever need.

* * *

She pulled her coat tighter around herself as she walked along the drive that led to Downton and as she stared up at the house she couldn't believe her eyes. Even though it looked rather intimidating, it was the most beautiful house she had ever seen. Once she had reached the top of the drive she began to walk in the direction of the courtyard that she'd been told about and once she had found it she approached the back door. She then rang the doorbell and slid both hands into her pockets to keep them warm while she waited for someone to come and open the door and allow her into the house.

She didn't have to wait long.

Soon enough, an elder man with a cane opened the door and offered her a smile. 'Can I help at all, miss?' He inquired.

'Yes, thank you,' She returned his smile. 'I'm here to sing for the Countess of Grantham's birthday. I'm Anna Miller.'

She watched as he thought about what she had told him for a moment before the expression that spread across his face told her that he'd remembered. 'Ah, yes, Mrs. Hughes did mention you,' He told her before moving to one side so that she could enter the house. Once she had walked down the steps he closed the door and descended them himself before holding out his hand. 'I'm John Bates – valet to the Lord of Grantham.' He explained before she slid her hand into his.

'It's nice to meet you.' She shook his hand.

The two of them held one another's gaze for a moment before he dropped her hand and cleared his throat with a smile. 'Mrs. Hughes has just gone into her sitting room. If you'd like to take off your coat and hat and go and make yourself comfortable in the servant's hall, which is just through there, I'll go and let her know that you're here.' He said to her.

'That would be kind of you, thank you.' She replied before he gave her a nod and left her side.

It didn't take long for her to take off her hat and coat and walk down to the servant's hall and, once she had, she pulled out one of the chairs at the table and sat down. Her heart wasn't pounding as hard and she wasn't as nervous about her performance now that she had made it to Downton. She was certain that, if those upstairs were as kind and welcoming as Mr. Bates had been to her just now, things would be all right and she'd feel at ease the moment she entered the hall.

'Mrs. Miller,' She rose from her chair when Mrs. Hughes entered the hall with a gentle smile. 'Welcome to Downton.'

'Thank you, Mrs. Hughes,' She replied. 'But please, call me Anna. Everyone else does.'

Mrs. Hughes nodded. 'I'm afraid the upstairs dinner ran a little late, so the family haven't come out of the dining room just yet. Would you like a cup of tea while you wait for them to finish, though? I'm certain Mrs. Patmore won't mind.'

'That would be lovely, thank you.' Anna told her.

'Mr. Bates,' Mrs. Hughes turned to the valet. 'You wouldn't mind keeping Anna company, would you?'

He shook his head at her. 'Of course not, Mrs. Hughes.'

She gave him a smile before stepping past him and leaving the sitting room and once he and Anna were alone he made his way around to his spot at the table. The two of them sat down opposite each other then and after giving her a smile, John laid his hands in his lap. 'Have you always been a singer, Anna? If…if you don't mind me asking.' He asked her.

'I don't mind,' She reassured him. 'I sang a lot when I was growing up and I always imagined what it would be like to be a famous singer, but life took me down a different road. I entered service at Skelton Park when I was seventeen and made it to head housemaid. Then a man named Edward Miller arrived to replace one of the footmen who'd left and we ended up falling for each other. Three-and-a-half years later we'd left service, gotten married and our son had arrived.'

He gave her a smile. 'So, what brought you here? What led you to start a singing career?'

'Edward…' She paused for a moment. 'Edward was killed in the Battle of Amiens just a couple of days before the end of the war. I do receive a pension, being his widow, and I do receive a dependents' allowance for my children because all three of them are under the age of sixteen, but it's not much. I don't pretend to earn much from singing some nights at the Dog and Duck or the Grantham Arms, but it…' She looked at him. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't burden you with this.'

He shook his head. 'You don't have a thing to apologise for. I was the one who asked.'

'No-one warned me that it would be this hard without Edward,' She whispered. 'It's the hardest thing I've ever done.'

'It must be hard,' He sighed. 'But you're succeeding simply by putting one foot in front of the other.'

She offered him a soft smile. 'It's the children that are keeping my spirits up. They're all just like him and I love that.'

'What're they like?' He raised his brow at her.

'Jack's reserved and smart, Grace is independent and thinks she's going to be the next Picasso,' She gave him a smirk. 'And Lily, my youngest, is nothing like either of them. She never stops babbling and she's the clingiest child I've ever met, but she gives the best cuddles when I can't sleep at night and she's one of the gentlest little girls in all the world.'

He chuckled. 'It sounds like you have rather an interesting home-life.'

'You can say that again,' She laughed. 'It's chaotic, but that's what makes it fun.'

She turned to glance over her shoulder at the sound of footsteps sometime later and offered Mrs. Hughes a smile when she entered the servant's hall with her cup of tea. 'Here you are, Anna,' The housekeeper smiled while setting it down. 'Now, I have some things to see to in my sitting room, but someone will come and tell you when it's time to head up.'

'Thank you, Mrs. Hughes, you've been so kind to me.' She replied.

The elder woman gave her a gentle nod and laid a hand on her arm before turning and leaving the servant's hall again.

'Are you nervous?' John asked once the two of them were alone.

'A little,' She admitted. 'Can I ask you something?'

He smiled. 'You can ask me anything.'

'Do…do you think that the family will think less of me for being middle class?' She inquired with a raise of her brow.

'Certainly not,' He shook his head. 'His Lordship and Her Ladyship are two of the kindest people I've ever known.'

She breathed a soft sigh of relief. 'I've never sung in a house as big as this or for someone as important as her before.'

'I'd like to listen to you sing sometime,' He told her while she took a sip of tea. 'If you wouldn't mind that, of course.'

She looked at him for a moment. 'I'm going to be singing at the Dog and Duck the night after tomorrow, so you could come and listen then if you're free. To be honest, it would be rather nice to have someone I know there for once. Most of the time, I get there for seven and sing from half-past until eight o'clock. Then I have a bit of a break before singing again from eight until nine.' She watched John think for a moment before he smiled at her and leaned back in his seat.

'It's my half-day, so I'll be there.' He reassured her.

For some reason, the thought of him being there to support her filled her with happiness.

The two of them sat together in silence for a short time then before she looked over her shoulder again at the sound of someone coming down the staircase. 'Mrs. Miller? I'm James,' The young footman said after he had entered the room. 'Mr. Carson said to come down and tell you that you can come upstairs now. The family are leaving the dining room.'

She nodded before standing from the table and looking over at John for a minute. 'Thank you for being so nice to me.'

'You gave me no reason not to be,' He smiled. 'I'll ask Mrs. Patmore to fix you another cup of tea when you're done.'

'Thank you.' She tucked in her chair before turning on her heel and following James upstairs.

Once he was alone, John leaned further back in his chair and sighed to himself as he looked at the chair in which Anna had been sat just moments ago. He was unsure of what it was, but there was just something about her that drew him to her. It might have been how her eyes had sparkled when he had shaken her hand earlier on. Or it could have been how she had smiled at him when the two of them had been sat together. It could even have been her personality as a whole.

Whatever it was, he wanted to learn more about this Anna Miller.

He wanted to get to know the real her.

* * *

It was sometime later, after the servants had eaten their dinner when John began to walk up the servant's staircase. He knew that it was wrong to pry – that was something his mother had taught him from a young age – but he just couldn't help himself. When he had been sat cleaning His Lordship's riding boots his thoughts had wandered back to Anna. He had wondered how her voice sounded when she sang. Was it strong? Or was it soft and sweet? He just had to find out.

He had finished all of his tasks before coming upstairs which meant that he was able to listen to Anna sing without the fear of someone coming to look for him and finding him prying. His bad knee protested as he continued to walk up the staircase, but soon enough he reached the green baize door which separated the hall from the servant's quarters and he sighed with relief as he leaned against the wall for a moment. That was when he heard it. That was when he heard _her._

Anna's voice was a little muffled as it came through the door, but it was still the most gorgeous sound he had ever had the pleasure of hearing. 'I would say such wonderful things to you,' He heard her sing in a soft voice. 'There would be such wonderful things to do…if you were the only girl in the world and I were the only boy.' She held the last note for a moment or two and he couldn't help but smile when he heard the family applaud her once she had finished the song.

She had been so worried that none of them would like her because she was of a lower class to them, but their response to her performance just proved that no-one thought less of her because of that. Even though all he'd been able to listen to had been the end of the song, he knew that she had given an incredible performance and was deserving of every last bit of that applause. He couldn't wait to be able to applaud her himself after listening to her sing at the Dog and Duck.

He hoped that she told His Lordship and Her Ladyship that she was struggling if one of them asked her about it.

He hoped that the two of them were generous and said that they wanted to help her.

From what he had heard, she was an incredible mother and deserved to have as big a support system as was possible.

She deserved to be happy.

* * *

'Did you have fun tonight?' He asked while walking with her to the back door later that evening.

'I did, rather,' She smiled. 'I stopped feeling nervous once I'd started singing and everyone was so lovely to me after.'

He stopped and waited for her to put on her hat and coat once the two of them had made it to the steps which led up to the back door. 'There's something that I need to confess,' He told her once she had fastened up the front of her coat. 'I snuck upstairs and listened to you sing after dinner this evening. I apologise for prying, but I just felt this…this urge to listen to you sing and I just…' He stopped rambling on when he looked at her and saw that she was smiling up at him.

'You don't have to apologise,' She said while looking up into his eyes. 'You listened to me sing, Mr. Bates, that's all.'

He hummed with a nod.

'I'd have loved to sit and talk with you for a little longer, but I need to get home so that I can relieve poor Mrs. Robins for the night,' She put on her hat before beginning to ascend the steps. 'I…I look forward to seeing you again, though.'

'As do I, Anna,' He replied. 'Very much.'

The two of them shared one last smile then before she opened the back door and stepped out into the night, a deep sigh escaping her when she closed the door behind her and began to walk back through the courtyard. He was such a lovely man. Gentle, patient, understanding…he reminded her so much of her darling Edward. She wanted to get to know him better. There was something so mysterious and secretive about him and it just made her want to learn more about him.

And that was what she planned to do…

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**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading this pilot chapter and I hope that you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you thought and if you think there's anything that I could change about it if and when I start writing this fanfiction properly. Thank you so much for your support with my other fanfictions and I'll see you all soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Since the first chapter received such an incredible response (thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your lovely reviews, all of them meant the world to me) I've decided to post the second chapter. I might post one chapter a week from this point on so that I can work on other fanfictions in the space between updating this one if that's what people would like :) I understand that me having a lot of fanfictions going at once have irritated some people and I do apologise for that because that wasn't my intention whatsoever. You might have realised that I've stopped writing "Secret Love" and that's because I lost all motivation for that which I apologise for, but the rest of the fics I have on here won't be abandoned. Anywho, I apologise for rambling. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter :)**

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If there was one thing that Anna despised the most about life without Edward it was waking up alone each morning.

She missed waking up with him curled around her.

She missed rolling over in his arms just to have him tighten his hold of her and kiss her good morning.

The thing that she missed most of all, however, was just having him there. The bed felt so much larger without him.

She could still remember the elation she had felt whenever she had woken up to him snoring into her neck when he'd been home on leave. Before the war, his loud snoring had kept her up for most of the night and it had irritated her to no end. It hadn't bothered her at all whenever he had been at home on leave though. In fact, she had loved the sound and had laid in his arms for hours one morning just combing her fingers through his hair and listening to him snore.

The sound had reassured him that she hadn't been dreaming and that he had been there. He had been safe and warm.

If it meant that she and her children were able to have him back, then she'd never again complain about such a thing.

The sound of a blanket rustling behind her brought her out of her thoughts sometime later and she couldn't help but sigh with happiness as she rolled over to face her little girl. She laid in silence for a couple of minutes and watched as Lily roused before giving her a smile when her blue eyes fluttered open. 'Good morning, Miss Miller…' She crooned while reaching through the bars on her daughter's cot so that she could run the backs of her fingers down her cheek.

The smile that Lily blessed her with as she continued to stroke her cheek helped lift her spirits and she felt her heart swell with love for her when she sat herself up in her cot. Lily then rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hands for a moment before reaching for the rail of her cot and getting to her feet. 'I have such a clever little girl,' Anna beamed when a surge of pride coursed through her veins before she sat up and took her little girl out of her cot. 'My darling.'

She leaned her forehead against hers once she had brought her close and sighed when she felt her place her hands on her cheeks. 'Your daddy would have adored you, you know.' She whispered as she looked into her eyes before kissing the tip of her nose. Edward, unfortunately, had never met their youngest daughter or cradled her in his arms. She had sent him a photograph of her and their eldest children after her birth, but she wished that he'd been able to meet her.

She wished that he had been able to have just one precious moment with her.

Afraid that she would burst into tears if she thought about her husband's demise for a moment longer, she shook her head to rid her mind of such thoughts before smiling at her little girl and running a hand over her beautiful fair hair. 'Shall we go and wake up Jack and Grace so that we can have breakfast and get dressed to head into town, precious?' She asked before giggling when Lily squealed with glee at the mention of her siblings' names and clapped her hands.

'Come on then.' After pressing a final kiss onto her forehead she pulled back the covers and climbed out of bed before settling her on her hip and leaving the bedroom. She then walked down the landing before opening Grace's bedroom door and entering the room, her heart swelling with love for her little girl when she saw that she was still fast asleep on her stomach with her arm hanging over the edge of her bed. She always looked like such an angel when she slept.

She walked over to Grace's bed after watching her sleep in silence for a minute and sat down on the edge of it before bringing Lily into her lap. She then reached out with one hand to brush her little girl's raven hair out of her face and back behind her ear. 'Gracie…' She ran the backs of her fingers down her cheek and smiled when she began to rouse. 'It's time to get up.' Grace sighed and shifted onto her back before looking up at her through half-lidded brown eyes.

'You're home,' Her voice was hoarse with sleep. 'Did you have fun singing last night?'

'I did, thank you, sweetheart,' Anna nodded while Lily babbled gently in her lap. 'I also heard that you and Jack were as good as gold for Mrs. Robins last night. She told me that the two of you tidied up the toys in the sitting room and helped to make Lily some dinner before she had to go up to bed.' Grace nodded with a smile of pride while sitting up.

'There were some peas left from dinner, so Jack mashed them all up and let me feed her!' She said. 'Then we gave her some mashed banana for pudding because she ate all of it.' She reached out to caress her little sister's cheek.

Lily flailed her arms in excitement before reaching for her sister and Anna laughed while handing her over to Grace.

For the next couple of minutes, she watched her girls cuddle together and felt the love that she had for them deepen.

The two of them were perfection personified.

'Because Jack and I were good, mum, does that mean we can go into town?' Grace asked her while holding Lily near.

'I suppose so,' Anna teased. 'I think I might even treat both of you to some lunch in that little café you love so much.'

'Rosie's!' Grace gasped. 'Miss Rosie's so nice to us, mum, she always gives us lemon drops!'

Anna ran a hand over her dark hair. 'We had better get dressed then. The morning's almost gone,' She accepted Lily back from her little girl before rising from the bed with her. 'I'm going to go and wake your brother. You can choose your own dress if you like, but make sure it's something warm because it's been a little chilly the last couple of days.'

The thought of choosing her own outfit made Grace's eyes light up and the sight made Anna smile before she turned on her heel and carried Lily out of the bedroom. After she had shut her daughter's bedroom door she went across the hall to her son's bedroom and knocked on his door before opening it. Jack was awake and sat up in bed with his book when she entered the bedroom and the two of them shared a warm smile when he stopped reading and looked at her.

'Do you ever put that book down?' She smirked while walking over to his bed.

'It's the best book in the world, mum,' He laughed. 'I can't wait to find out what happens to Sir Percival.'

She ruffled his tussled hair before sitting on the edge of his bed and letting her little girl take hold of her nightgown. 'Because I had such a good report from Mrs. Robins last night, I've decided that we will pop into town this morning. I need to run a couple of errands first, but I've told your sister that I'm going to take both of you to Rosie's for lunch because you helped Mrs. Robins far more than I expected to. The two of you were so responsible last night, darling.'

'I'm the man of the house now that dad's not here,' He reminded her. 'I have to be responsible and start growing up.'

She looked at him in silence for a moment before reaching out and smoothing the backs of her fingers over his cheek. 'Your job isn't to take care of me and your sisters,' She told him. 'That job is mine. Your job is to do your school-work, spend time with your friends and make the most of the rest of your childhood. Trust me, sweetheart, it might not seem like it but your childhood passes by in the blink of an eye. I don't want you to spend the rest of it worrying about things.'

'But…but things have been hard since dad passed,' He pointed out. 'You're still heartbroken and I just want to help.'

She sighed. 'I'll never stop feeling heartbroken when I think about your father, Jack because he was the first man I'd ever loved and he made me the happiest woman living. I think about him all the time and I miss him more than I can explain, but I can't let that stop me from being a mother to you and your sisters. Just like I can't let you stop being a child just because I'm finding things difficult at the minute,' She gave him a smile. 'I'm going to be just fine, darling.'

'Promise?' He pressed.

She leaned forward to press her lips against his hairline before looking him in the eye. 'I promise.' She reassured him.

The smile that he gave her warmed her heart and she ruffled his hair once more which caused him to chuckle gently.

'I think it's time for us to get dressed,' She said. 'I want you to wear a jumper or something, all right? It's quite cold.'

'Yes, mum,' He replied before she rose from the bed and began to walk over to his door. 'Mum?'

She turned in place and readjusted Lily on her hip while raising her brow at him.

'I love you.' He told her.

'I love you too,' She smiled. 'So much.'

She then turned around and walked out of his bedroom before closing the door and giving her little girl a gentle kiss on the nose. 'Now then, beautiful,' She bounced Lily in her arms. 'Let's go and find you something to wear, shall we?' Her daughter grasped her face in both hands before giving her one of her precious baby kisses and after giggling, she tightened her hold of her, nuzzled her nose against her own and carried her back down the landing to their bedroom.

The thought of spending the morning in town with her children thrilled her more than she could put into words.

It was rare that she could treat them these days – what she earned from singing was enough to put food on the table, that much was true, but there was never much spare – so whenever she was able to take them to a sweet-shop or out for dinner she did so. The three of them were her world and more and she was never going to stop telling them that.

Not ever.

* * *

'Oh, mum, look at her!' Grace exclaimed while tugging at the sleeve of her mother's coat after stopping and pointing at the porcelain doll that was in the toy-shop window later that morning. 'Isn't she just the most beautiful doll ever?'

Anna stopped pushing Lily's pram to look at the doll that had caught her little girl's attention before running a hand over her hair. Grace was right about the doll being beautiful. It had big, deep blue eyes, long brown hair which hung down its back and it was wearing a green dress and headband. 'She is, Gracie, she's very beautiful.' She smiled at her.

'Do you think I have enough pennies to get her?' Grace asked when she turned and looked up at her.

Even though she already knew the answer, Anna glanced at the price-tag that was around the doll's arm and winced. Ten pounds. With a sigh, she looked at her daughter and ran the back of her hand down her cheek. 'No, princess, I'm afraid not.' She shook her head before she felt her heart sink at the disheartened expression that crossed Grace's face.

'Do…do you think I might have her for my birthday?' Grace tried once again. 'I'd love her so much, mum, I mean it.'

If her little girl wasn't turning eight at the end of the week, then maybe Anna would have been in a place to consider saving up for the doll. The fact of the matter was, though, that Grace was going to be turning eight at the end of the week and there wasn't a chance of her being able to purchase the doll in that time. 'I'm sure you would, darling, but I just can't afford it. There might be another doll or something in the shop that you like, though, shall we go and see?'

'No, thank you…' Grace shook her head before offering her mother a small smile. 'Please, can we go to Rosie's now?'

Anna slid a dark curl back behind her ear before nodding. 'How about you and Jack run ahead and get us all a table?'

Her little girl nodded then before stepping past her, taking her brother's hand and all but pulling him down the road to Rosie's café. When she was alone, a single tear fell down her cheek while she reached into Lily's pram and covered her sleeping baby further with her blanket. She knew that it was stupid to get upset about a doll, but Grace had been so good over the past couple of months and hadn't asked for anything for her birthday. That doll was all she wanted.

It wasn't as though she didn't have presents to open on the morning, because she did. She had some new dresses and a little tea-set, but Anna wanted nothing more than to surprise her with the doll and see her face when she opened it. She couldn't do it though. She was unable to justify spending ten pounds on a doll when that amount of money could feed her and her children for another fortnight. 'Come on, Lils,' She sighed gently. 'Let's go and find Jack and Grace.'

She then began to push her little girl's pram down the road in the direction of Rosie's café, but stopped after taking a couple of steps and smiled at seeing Mr. Bates strolling towards her. 'Good morning, Anna.' He tipped his hat to her.

'Good morning, Mr. Bates.' She replied.

He must have sensed that she was down because his brow creased when he reached her. 'Is…is everything all right?'

'It will be,' She reassured him. 'I…I'm just having one of those days.'

He nodded in understanding.

'So, what brings you into town this morning?' She changed the subject.

'Oh, just an errand for His Lordship,' He said. 'What about you?'

She started to rock Lily in her pram to soothe her when she heard her whimper in her sleep. 'I told the children that I would bring them into town this morning if the two of them behaved for Mrs. Robins last night,' She admitted. 'The two of them have just gone to get us a table at Rosie's. I thought I'd treat them to lunch before taking them shopping.'

John chuckled. 'This is Lily; I assume?'

'It is,' She smiled down at her little girl before running a hand over her soft blonde curls. 'Like butter wouldn't melt.'

'She's your double.' He pointed out.

'Everyone says that,' She giggled before looking up at him. 'Are you still coming to the Dog and Duck tomorrow?'

He nodded. 'Of course. I'll be there at ten-to-seven.'

'It'll be nice to have a proper talk,' She told him. 'It'll be nice to get to know you a little better.'

'It will,' He agreed with a smile. 'I should let you go and find your children. I'll see you tomorrow night.'

She nodded. 'Goodbye, Mr. Bates.'

'Goodbye, Anna.' He replied.

She then pushed her daughter's pram past him and began to walk down the road with her, a smile gracing her lips as she did so. It was strange to think that she had been on the verge of tears just a couple of minutes ago. For some odd reason, the short chat that she had just had with Mr. Bates had managed to dispel the dark clouds and lift her spirits.

She was even more excited to spend some time with him at the Dog and Duck the following evening.

Perhaps, just for that one night, she would be able to leave her worries behind.

Perhaps…perhaps, for once, she could be carefree.

* * *

She leaned back in the chair at the table in the sitting room and sighed after wrapping up the last of Grace's presents late that night. Four presents. Three dresses and one tea-set. That was all her daughter would be opening on Friday morning. She knew that four presents were better than none and that Grace would never complain, but it pained her to remember that there had once been a time when she had been able to surprise her little girl with a pile of presents.

Her children deserved so much more.

Jack and Grace had been so brave and well-behaved since finding out about their father's death and she was so proud of them. It was the two of them, along with Lily, that gave her something to live for. She doubted that she'd have the strength to get out of bed in the morning if she didn't have them. If she was honest, she doubted that she would have even survived the news of Edward's death if that were the case. Her children were what was helping her to battle on.

'Mum?' Jack's soft voice made her look up from the present that was sat in front of her.

'You should have been asleep ages ago,' She frowned as he entered the sitting room. 'It's almost one in the morning.'

'I…I know, but I…' He stammered.

She sighed and rose from the chair before walking over to him and smoothing her hand over his mussed blonde hair, nothing but love for him in her eyes when he looked at her. 'You've been worrying again, haven't you?' She inquired.

'I didn't mean to,' His voice trembled. 'But I can tell that you're hurt because you can't get Grace the doll she wants.'

She slid her hand into his before leading him over to the sofa and sitting down with him. She smiled when he laid his head on her chest and draped an arm over her middle, and after sliding an arm around his waist she buried a soft kiss in his hair. 'It's just a doll,' She said to herself as well as him. 'I wish I could get it for her, of course, but I can't spend ten pounds on something like that when, for the same amount, I can afford to feed you both for the next week-or-so.'

Jack nodded against her chest before tilting his head back to look at her. 'I…I was thinking of ways to help you.'

'Go on…' She ran her hand along his side through his nightshirt.

'I could start doing paper-rounds before school-work and on weekends,' He smiled. 'Then you can have the money I make.'

She felt her heart swell. 'You're a darling, but I couldn't ask that of you.'

'You haven't,' He reminded her. 'I made the decision, mum, and I want to do it. I want to help make things better for you. I still have the bike that dad made for me when I was nine and I'd only be out for an hour-or-so every morning.'

Realising that she wasn't going to change her son's mind, Anna sighed. 'You're certain that you want to do this?'

'I am,' He nodded. 'I don't like knowing that you're struggling and I want to help you. I want you to be happy again.'

She was certain that her heart was fit to burst with love for him. 'I'm happy whenever I look at you and your sisters.'

'Good,' He snuggled into her. 'Because we love you so much.'

'I love you too,' She whispered. 'More than you could ever imagine.'

For a little while after that, the two of them sat in comfortable silence and Anna swept her fingers through his hair before smiling to herself when she heard him begin to snore. She would have to wake him again soon so that the two of them could go to bed, she knew that, but for now, she was content to just sit next to him and hold him in her arms.

It reminded her of the times when he used to come to her and her husband when he couldn't sleep as a toddler.

He would lie down between the two of them on the sofa with his comfort blanket and pacifier, his head in her lap and his feet in Edward's and she would run her fingers through his hair until he nodded off. It had been one of the things she had loved the most about being his mother and, sometimes, she found herself wishing that he was still that little.

The thing was, however, he wasn't.

That two-year-old had grown up and blossomed into this independent, polite, loving young man and even though he was plagued with grief at the moment he was still the same Jack. He still had a heart of sheer gold and was so gentle with his sisters. The night before, just before she had left for Downton, she'd told him that Edward would have been so proud of him if he were still with them and she had meant that. He'd been her rock over the last couple of months.

She was so blessed to have a son like him and she would never, no matter what occurred, allow herself to forget that.

Never.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading chapter two of this fanfic and I hope that you liked it. If you have the time, please review and let me know what you thought of it :) x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I apologise for the wait between the last chapter and this one, but this one is longer and so I hope that that makes up for it a little :) Happy reading!**

* * *

John was unable to take his eyes off of Anna while listening to her sing from the table that he'd found at the Dog and Duck. He was unsure of whether or not it was appropriate of him to be thinking such a thing about a woman he'd just met, but she looked so radiant as she stood just feet from him in a pink knee-length dress. Her hair hung over her shoulders in soft waves and he was able to see the light reflecting off of the stone on her wedding ring while she sang with her hands clasped in front of her. She was the definition of perfection.

'Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true…' He saw her cast her gaze over the silent room before she smiled when her gaze met his and she looked him dead in the eye. 'Let me call you "sweetheart", I'm in love with you.' He, along with the other punters, applauded her once she had finished her third song of the night before she brushed her hair out of her face and started to saunter over to his table. 'Well?' She pulled out the chair opposite him before sitting down and looking at him with a sparkle in her eyes. 'What did you think?'

He looked at her over the rim of his glass while sipping at his beer before setting the glass down and leaning back in his chair. 'Since you ask, I think that your performance was amazing and you have…one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard,' He watched her bring a hand to her face and slip a fair curl back behind her ear with a smile. 'And, if you don't find me too impertinent for saying so, I think you have an appearance to match.' She dropped his gaze at that and stared at her lap and he couldn't help but smile as he saw her blush.

'Goodness me, Mr. Bates,' She looked into his eyes again. 'You _do_ know how to make a woman blush.'

He chuckled. 'Can I get you a drink before you have to go back up there?'

'That's kind of you,' She said to him. 'Could I have a glass of lemonade, please? I don't really drink alcohol.'

'Of course,' He nodded. 'I'll be back in a moment.'

She watched him leave their table and head over to the bar before leaning back in her chair with a deep sigh. She was having a nice evening and it was fun getting to know John better, but at the same time she couldn't wait to finish work for the night and go home. She despised leaving her children when one of them was ill. Grace had climbed into bed with her in the dark hours of that morning, complaining of stomach pains and a headache, and she had hoped that she'd recover as the day had worn on but, of course, that hadn't happened.

Her little girl had spent all afternoon slipping in and out of slumber in her arms and all she'd done at supper was push her peaches and cream around the bowl. Having to stop snuggling with her and come to work had broken her heart and she wasn't ashamed to admit that she had cried after leaving the house, but she needed the income. It was the thought of going home and being able to care for her daughter that was helping her to get through the evening. 'Here we are,' She looked up at the sound of John's voice. 'I apologise for the wait.'

'Not at all.' She shook her head before he sat down at the table again and she gave him a smile.

'You've got that look on your face again.' He sighed.

She frowned in confusion. 'What look?'

'The look that tells me that deep down you don't want to be here,' He told her. 'I noticed it when I came in.'

Soft tears burned her eyes as she sat in silence for a minute before whispering: 'I'm just so tired. I'm tired of being unable to get the children the things they want, I'm tired of having to do all of this alone and I'm tired of _being_ tired. Grace is turning eight in two days and right now she's on the sofa at home with a stomach ache and a headache and I can't be with her. I can't even get her a stupid doll because I'm terrified I won't be able to afford to feed her and Jack for the next couple of days. I just wish that things were like they were before.'

John felt his heart sink when a tear fell down her cheek and she looked at her lemonade before wiping it off.

'I'm sorry…' She whispered.

After hesitating for a moment, he laid his hand over hers on the table before giving her a tender smile when she looked at him again. 'You need to stop apologising and feeling bad for having times like this,' He sighed while brushing his thumb against the back of her palm. 'Your life changed when your husband died and you now have to work and bring up three children alone, Anna, which I can imagine is hard for you sometimes.'

She forbade her bottom lip to tremble as she nodded. 'It's one of the hardest things in the world.'

'Then ask for help.' He told her.

She scoffed. 'Who am I meant to ask? I have no-one, Mr. Bates, aside from Mrs. Robins who helps enough.'

'What about your parents? Or your siblings if you have them.' He suggested.

She sniffed. 'I could write to mum, but dad would never give her permission to respond or come and see me. He couldn't stand Edward, for a reason I'm still unsure of, and when Edward proposed to me he said that he would disown me if I accepted. He said that I would no longer be welcome at home and that he wouldn't let Ben, Alice or mum speak to me again. I loved Edward, though, and I couldn't lose him so I married him at a registry office. Just days later, dad wrote to me for the last time and I haven't heard a thing from him since.'

John sighed.

'The children are all I have left,' She whispered. 'Jack helps me, the darling, but there isn't much he can do.'

John watched her lift her glass of lemonade to her lips and take a sip before clearing his throat when she put it back down. 'Is there anything that…that _I_ can do to make things simpler for you? Because I'd like to help.'

She gave him a smile of gratitude. 'You could come here and watch me sing when you have a spare evening. I don't have a lot of friends. People I can talk to and feel comfortable doing so when I'm finding things hard or when I just need a break. I know that we haven't known each other long, but I like talking to you and I…I feel as though I can tell you about the problems I'm having without having to worry about you judging me.'

'I would _never_ judge you.' He reassured her.

She sighed gently. 'So, if you truly want to help me, you can do that through just being here to listen to me.'

'I can do that,' He said. 'This is usually my half-day, so we could meet here every other week from now on.'

'I'd like that,' She admitted. 'Now, I should think about starting again.'

Even as she said that he was able to tell that that was the last thing she wanted to do.

'Anna, if you want to go home and be with Grace then you can do that,' He told her. 'No-one can stop you.'

She ran her thumb around the rim of her glass. 'If I had the choice, I would, but I need to do the second half of the performance if I want to be paid the usual amount. I'm going to earn half of that if I leave earlier than usual and I need as much as I can get.' She watched him look over at the bar for a second before he squeezed her hand and got up from his chair. 'What are you doing?' She asked him when he started to leave the table.

'Wait here, I'll be back in a minute. Trust me.' He smiled before heading over to the bar.

She then watched him speak with the bartender for a time before he turned around and walked back to their table. 'That's you free for the rest of the night. Finish your lemonade and then get your coat on and I'll walk you home.' He told her after sitting down in his chair again before she looked at him in silence for a minute.

'I don't understand,' She shook her head. 'What did you do?'

He smiled. 'Reginald, over there, is an old friend of mine. I told him that you were scheduled to do a second performance tonight, but your daughter's ill and you need to get home to her. I also asked him – and I didn't go into detail – if he would be willing to pay you the usual amount because you're in need of it. He said that he will on the condition that you work a little over-time next week.' He saw her eyes light up as she smiled.

'Thank you,' Her voice trembled with emotion. 'You don't know how much this means to me.'

'You're welcome,' He replied. 'Now, get that drank and then we can get going.'

'You don't have to walk me home, you know, it's in the complete opposite direction to Downton.' She said.

'I will, all the same. It's late and I want to make sure you get back safely.' He admitted.

She nodded before lifting her glass of lemonade to her lips and looking at him as she took a long sip from it.

He was one of the nicest men she had ever met.

She was unsure of what she had done to deserve to have a friend like him, but she knew that she would do it again in a trice if she had to. At last, after several horrid months, she had someone that she could confide in.

She had someone that she didn't have to pretend to be strong in front of all the time.

She no longer felt so alone.

* * *

She couldn't help but laugh when she turned to face John and noticed that he was soaked as the two of them stood outside her cottage. 'I told you that you shouldn't have let me use your jacket,' She smirked while still holding his jacket over her head and watching him shiver as the rain hammered down around them. 'You're going to end up with the flu if you walk back to Downton like that in this weather. Come inside for a cup of tea and wait for the rain to die down a bit.' She released his jacket with one hand before unlatching the gate.

'I don't want to impose. Not if Grace isn't well.' He shook his head.

'Mr. Bates, it's not imposing if I've invited you in and Grace's bedtime was hours ago which means that she should be asleep,' She told him while holding the gate open. 'It's freezing and standing out here talking isn't going to do either of us the slightest bit of good, so come along and I'll find a towel so you can get dried off,' The grateful smile that he gave her told her that she had won the argument and she let him enter the garden ahead of her before closing the gate. 'You'll have to forgive me while I speak with Mrs. Robins for a second.'

He nodded while following her to the front door. 'Of course. Take as long as you need.'

When the two of them reached the doorstep she went into her pocket for the spare key before unlocking the door. She then allowed him to step inside the cottage before doing the same and closing the door after them. 'Come through,' She said softly before stepping past him and leading him down the hall to her sitting room. The second the two of them entered the room, Mrs. Robins looked up from her knitting and smiled at them. 'Thank you for minding the children for me again tonight, Mrs. Robins, this is Mr. Bates. A friend of mine.'

'It's nice to meet you, Mr. Bates.' Mrs. Robins rose from the rocking chair.

'Likewise, Mrs. Robins.' He replied.

The elder woman returned her knitting things to her handbag before closing it and walking over to him and Anna. 'I'm afraid little Gracie hasn't perked up,' She sighed. 'She laid on the sofa until it was time for her to head up to bed and then she was sleeping before I'd even had the chance to leave the room after settling her.'

'Has she been down since?' Anna asked.

'No,' Mrs. Robins shook her head. 'I went to check in on her about ten minutes ago and she was still asleep.'

'That's good,' Anna smiled before going into her coat pocket and finding ten pounds. 'Before I forget, here's what I owe you for taking care of the children for me for the last fortnight. I…I'm sorry that I wasn't able to give it to you before now, but it's just that I…' She stopped talking when Mrs. Robins took her hand in hers.

The elder woman ran her thumb across her knuckles while looking into her eyes and giving her a soft smile. 'Anna Miller, I have known you since you were Grace's age and used to run through town with your hair in pigtails,' She reminded her which caused her to giggle. 'I understand that things are difficult at the moment, love, so don't you fret one bit about being a little behind on payment. You'll have the money when you have the money.' She lifted her other hand to the young woman's face before stroking her cheek with her fingers.

'Thank you.' Anna whispered before allowing her to take the ten pounds.

'I should let you get on with your evening,' Mrs. Robins said to her just seconds later. 'I can see myself out.'

Anna nodded. 'Goodnight, Mrs. Robins.'

'Goodnight,' She replied. 'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.'

'Goodnight, Mrs. Robins.' John replied before she walked out of the sitting room.

Once the two of them were alone together, Anna turned to face him before offering his soaked jacket to him and letting him take it. 'Take that chair from the table and move it in front of the fire. Then hang the jacket over the back of it so that it dries. You don't mind if I pop upstairs for a second just to get changed, do you?'

'Of course I don't.' He reassured her.

'When I come back down I'll make us that cup of tea,' She said before smiling at him and turning around to leave the sitting room. She then walked down the hall and up the stairs before entering her room and letting out a sigh when she saw Grace sleeping in her bed. Silently, she walked over to her daughter before pushing her dark hair out of her face and leaning down to kiss her temple. 'Mummy's home now, darling, I promise.' She whispered before covering her further with the quilt and going over to her drawers to find a nightgown.

It didn't take long for her to change out of her soaked dress and into her nightgown, and after pulling on her cardigan she turned to go back downstairs before a delighted coo stopped her in her tracks. Turning in place, she felt her heart race at the sight of Lily standing up in her cot with the happiest of expressions on her face. Her little girl was always so thrilled to see her and she loved that. 'Do you have the first idea of what time it is, young lady?' She smirked while approaching her. 'Even your big brother and sister are fast asleep in bed!'

All her daughter did was beam at her and grasp her nightgown in her hands when she came to stand in front of her cot. She pressed a kiss to the top of her head before lifting her onto hip and she felt a surge of love for her course through her veins when she laid her head on her shoulder. 'The best part of going out each night,' She whispered while leaning her forehead against hers. 'Is coming home to you and your brother and sister.' The feeling of Lily playing with her damp hair made her smile before she feathered a kiss against her cheek.

'I feel as though I have zero chance of getting you back off, so I guess you're just going to have to come back downstairs with me,' She said after a couple of minutes before giving her daughter a squeeze and exiting the bedroom with her in her arms. She then walked back downstairs before pausing in the sitting room entrance at the sight of John looking at a photograph. The frame that the photograph was kept in let her know which one. It was the photograph of her and Edward at their wedding. One of the most precious things she owned.

'The fourth of March 1906,' She announced her presence before readjusting Lily on her hip and walking into the room with her when he turned around. 'The wedding was small and we were unable to afford to go on a honeymoon trip, but I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt happier. Edward cried when he saw me in the dress I'd spent weeks sewing and when I reached him he said that I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen,' She and John shared a smile when she reached him. 'He was such a charmer, but I loved him terribly.'

John glanced at the photograph again before looking back at her. 'How old were you when you got married?'

'I'd just turned twenty,' She admitted while resting her cheek against the crown of her little girl's head. 'Just a couple of months later I learned that I was pregnant and then Jack came along in late December that year.'

'A lot changed for you in the space of that one year, didn't it?' He asked her.

'Yes, it did,' She nodded as she looked into his eyes. 'But I don't regret a single decision that I made because I had all I'd ever dreamed of,' The two of them looked at one another for a time before she remembered that she had offered to make him a cup of tea. 'Come through to the kitchen with me and I'll make us that cup of tea before you have to start walking back to Downton. You wouldn't mind holding Lily for me, would you?'

He shook his head before smiling when the little girl lifted her head off of her mother's shoulder and looked at him. 'Hello.' He kept his voice soft while reaching out to stroke her cheek with the back of his forefinger. The action caused Lily to smile before Anna giggled and turned her head to brush a kiss against her hairline.

'You little smiler,' She ran a hand over her silken curls before smiling at her and turning to John once again. 'Come on,' She then waited for him to return her wedding photograph to the shelf before leading him out of the sitting room and down the hall to the kitchen. Once the two of them had reached the kitchen she waited for him to pull out a chair at the dining table and sit down before giving her little girl to him. 'I might warm one of her bottles up, too.' She said while approaching the refrigerator once he had perched Lily on his knee.

She bustled around the small kitchen in silence for the next couple of minutes, searching for a saucepan and filling it with water so that she could warm up her daughter's bottle before she started to make a start on the tea. Something told John that this was how she spent most of her spare time. Doing jobs, heating up bottles, making meals and just making sure that her children were cared for. He doubted that she gave herself much time to just sit down. 'Do you take sugar in your tea?' She inquired while glancing over her shoulder at him.

'Just one, please.' He replied before looking at the infant on his knee and smiling when she snuggled into his chest. She was the exact double of her mother. From her fair hair down to her complexion, everything about her just screamed Anna and it fascinated him that it was possible for a child to resemble one of their parents so much. The sound of Anna laughing made him look up from Lily after a while and he felt his heart race in his chest at the smile on her lips. He thought she had a beautiful smile. One that made her eyes just light up.

'She must like you,' She said to him in a quiet voice. 'She never settles for anyone but me and Mrs. Robins.'

He chuckled in response before watching her take her daughter's bottle out of the saucepan and test the milk on her wrist. Once she was positive that the milk was at the right temperature, she carried the bottle over to the table and put it down before going back to the kitchen counter to fetch the cups of tea that she had made. 'Here we are,' She set his cup of tea down in front of him before setting hers down in front of the chair next to him and reaching for her little girl. 'Come here, darling, you need your bottle before you go back to sleep.'

Once she had her little girl in her arms she sat down next to John at the table, cradled her close and began to feed her. 'Did you ever imagine that you would have three children?' He asked her after a couple of seconds.

'Never,' She laughed. 'I thought that one was enough for me because I was so exhausted in the months after Jack's birth, but then he got older and he started to do things for himself and I…I missed being depended on. Before I could even speak to Edward and ask him what he thought about the idea of having another, though, I received a letter from the doctor which told me that I was pregnant again. Jack was about four at the time.'

John smiled. 'Did he understand?'

'Kind of,' She nodded. 'He understood that Grace was there and that she could hear him whenever he talked to her, but I don't think he realised that I wouldn't be pregnant forever. He kept asking me where Grace had come from for the first couple of days and he kept his distance, but he did start to warm up to her over time. The two of them fight like cat and dog and drive each other mental these days, but she loves him and he's so protective of her,' She gazed down at Lily and felt her heart race. 'I can't wait for Lily to grow up with them.'

'If I'm not speaking out of turn,' John cleared his throat. 'I think Edward would be so proud of you.'

She took her eyes off of her little girl and lifted her head to look at him. 'You do?'

'Yes,' He replied. 'You do so much for the children and you work so hard, Anna, and I know he'd be proud.'

She felt tears of happiness burn in her eyes before she smiled at him. 'I tell Jack and Grace that all the time.'

'You don't have someone to tell you that though, do you?' He sighed.

'I didn't before,' She shook her head. 'But I do now and I'm so grateful to you.'

The sound of footsteps out in the hall reached her ears a short while later and her heart broke when her little girl entered the kitchen. 'Mum,' Grace's voice was quiet and the discomfort she was in was clear in her eyes as she looked at her. 'Can I have some more medicine, please? I think my headache might be getting worse.'

'When did you last have some, princess?' Anna asked with a raise of her brow.

'I haven't had some since you went to work,' Grace told her. 'Mrs. Robins sent me to bed with Lily tonight.'

Anna hummed. 'Go and lie down on the sofa and I'll bring your medicine through once I've fed your sister.'

'All right,' Grace nodded before looking at John for a moment and giving him a smile. 'Hello.'

'Hello, Grace.' He returned her smile.

'How do you know my name?' She cocked her head to one side.

He chuckled. 'Your mummy told me. She also told me that you're turning eight in two days. Is she correct?'

'Yes,' She said. 'There's a doll I like in the toy shop window and I'm hoping the birthday fairy will bring it.'

John glanced at Anna and sighed as she looked down at Lily to keep her hurt expression from her daughter.

'I'm sure you're going to have more wonderful presents too.' He told her.

'I will,' She beamed. 'Mummy always gets the best presents.'

Anna forced herself to smile at her little girl before she reached out to run her hand over her thick dark hair. 'You're a darling,' She looked into her eyes for a second. 'Now go and have a lie down on the sofa, all right?'

She felt a surge of love for her Grace course through her when she kissed her on the cheek before turning on her heel and leaving the kitchen. Once she was alone with John once again, she sighed to herself and felt her heart sink. 'She won't stop harping on about that doll and it just makes me more nervous for her to open her presents,' She whispered to him just in case her daughter could hear her. 'She has four presents from me and three of those presents are dresses I've made for her. All I've managed to afford to get her is a lousy tea-set.'

'Four presents are better than none at all,' He soothed her. 'And I'm sure she's going to adore what she gets.'

She nodded. 'It's…it's just that she hasn't mithered me about what presents she wants over the last couple of weeks because she knows I've been struggling. That doll is the one thing she's asked me for and I know that she would take care of it and love it, but I just can't afford it and I hate knowing that I can't give her a treat.'

'She'll get past it, Anna, I promise,' He said. 'Soon enough, she'll forget that she even wanted the doll at all.'

She looked at him for a moment. 'But what will I do when she asks for the next one? Or the one after that?'

'If you can afford to treat her, you treat her, but if you can't afford it then you tell her.' He explained.

She swallowed the tears that were climbing up her throat. 'But I…I just…'

'You hate letting her down,' He finished for her. 'I understand that, but you need that money to live, Anna.'

'I know,' She told him. 'It's just hard sometimes.'

He looked at her while taking a sip of his cool tea before saying, 'I know it is, but you aren't alone anymore.'

The softest smile curled her lips. 'Your support means so much to me.'

'You'll have my support for as long as you require it,' There was nothing but truth in his eyes. 'I mean that.'

She was just about to open her mouth to respond when her little girl stopped drinking her bottle and tried to sit up in her lap. 'I take it you've had enough of that, darling,' She crooned before sitting her up after setting her bottle down on the table and watching her rub at her eye with her fist. 'I think someone's a little sleepy.'

'I should leave so that you can give Grace her medicine and put her and Lily back to bed,' John told her once he had finished his cup of tea and pushed back his chair to rise from the table. 'Thank you for having me in.'

'It was the least I could do,' She stood up and perched her daughter on her hip before the two of them shared a smile and left the kitchen to go back to the sitting room. After entering the room, she watched him get his jacket from the back of the chair that he had hung it on before he put it on and she looked at Grace. 'Are you going to say goodnight to Mr. Bates, Gracie?' She asked while swaying in place with Lily settled against her.

Grace sat up on the sofa with a smile before brushing her black hair out of her face and looking over at John. 'Goodnight, Mr. Bates,' She said before thinking for a moment. 'Mr. Bates, please can I ask you something?'

'Of course.' He nodded after fastening the buttons on the front of his jacket.

'What happened to make you need a walking stick?' She asked.

Anna frowned at her daughter. 'Grace Miller, that's rather an impertinent question.'

'It's all right,' John shook his head when Grace's cheeks turned a deep shade of red. 'You see, Grace, I…I got injured when there was an explosion during a war called the Boer War. It left me with quite an awful knee.'

The little girl nodded. 'My daddy went to war but…but he didn't make it back.'

'I know,' He sighed before looking over at Anna who was leaving a kiss to Lily's temple. 'And I'm so sorry.'

'He was brave though, wasn't he, mum?' Grace turned to her mother.

Anna nodded. 'He was, darling. Like all men who go off to war, he was incredibly brave.'

The two of them smiled at each other before she turned her head in John's direction when he started to walk over to her. 'I should go before it rains again,' He said. 'I'll see you at the Dog and Duck next week, though.'

'I look forward to it,' She told him. 'Shall I walk you to the door?'

'It's all right,' He shook his head. 'I can see myself out, but thank you.'

'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.' She nodded.

'Goodnight, Anna,' He replied before saying the same to Lily and looking over at Grace. 'Goodnight, Grace.'

'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.' Grace beamed.

Once John had walked out of the sitting room, Anna walked over to the sofa before running a hand over her little girl's hair and sighing as she looked up at her. 'How about we give you some medicine and go and have a cuddle in bed? I might even make us both a nice cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows to take upstairs.'

'That sounds amazing!' Grace's eyes lit up. 'I'm so glad you're home, mum.'

'Me too, sweetness,' Anna's heart swelled. 'Me too…'

* * *

Anna covered her little girl further with the quilt as she laid beside her in silence sometime later and a smile curled her lips when she started to comb her fingers through her hair. Grace had nodded off in her arms just a couple of minutes ago after drinking her hot chocolate and was now snuggled into her, her head cushioned on her shoulder as she had one arm slung over her stomach and was snoring gently into the side of her neck.

She still couldn't believe that she was going to be eight in less than two days.

She could still remember holding her for the first time after being in labour with her for thirteen long hours. Grace had stopped screaming the second she had been placed in her arms and when she had opened her eyes she had stolen her heart. For the first nine months of her life, she had had the loveliest blue eyes but then her eye colour had changed into a hazel brown. Everything about her from then on had just screamed her father.

Time was passing far too fast.

Before she knew it, she imagined, Lily would be the one growing out of her cot and starting to walk and talk.

The mere thought of that time made her heart sink.

She knew, however, that even when Lily did leave her cot and she did start walking and talking she was still going to need her. Jack and Grace were the proof of that. The two of them were years older than her and yet both of them still came to her for cuddles when they were sad or ill and Grace still loved to fall asleep beside her. Both of them were still her babies and she believed that, regardless of their age, that would never change.

Her eyes began to sting a short time later and she took that as a sign that she needed to get some sleep if she was going to lead Jack and Grace in their studies the next morning. She pressed a kiss onto Grace's forehead before turning her head and smiling at seeing that Lily was sleeping well in her cot. Once she had blown out the candle on her nightstand she settled down beside Grace and allowed her little girl to cuddle closer to her.

She hoped that both her headache and her stomach ache were gone in the morning.

To her, there was nothing worse than seeing one of her children under the weather.

She pulled the quilt further over herself and her daughter before closing her eyes and pressing her lips to her temple. 'Mummy…' Grace whined in her sleep while she stirred in her arms for a moment at the movement.

'Shh,' She hushed. 'It's all right, Gracie, go back to sleep.'

Grace tightened the arm that was slung over her stomach and sighed as she settled again. 'Love you.'

'I love you too.' Anna reassured her.

It took minutes for Grace to drift back off and once she was sure that she was asleep, Anna sighed to herself and ran a hand along her back through her nightgown before closing her eyes once again. She let herself rest then and, soon enough, she gave in to the pull of slumber and let the quiet sound of her daughters' breathing send her off to sleep.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this chapter, it really does mean a lot to me that you like what I write! If you have the time I would be so grateful if you would leave a review to let me know what you thought of this. I'll see you all soon! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for coming back and I hope that you like this chapter! :)**

* * *

'You can help me open it if you want to, Lils,' Grace said after bringing her last present into her lap and looking at her little sister. She then made a small tear in the wrapping paper before putting an arm around Lily and giggling when she began to tear at the paper. It didn't take them long to unwrap the present and, when she saw the tea-set that her mother had bought for her, she gasped softly. The cups, saucers and teapot were white and had daisies dotted over them and it was the most beautiful tea-set she'd ever seen. 'Thank you, mummy!' She beamed when she glanced up at her mother.

'You're very welcome, sweetheart,' Anna reassured her from where she was sat on the sofa with Jack and a cup of tea. 'Now, I think it's time for breakfast. Would the two of you take Lily through to the kitchen and sit her in her highchair while I clean up in here?' Jack and Grace nodded before Jack got up from the sofa, walked over to his little sisters and lifted Lily onto his hip so that he could leave the sitting room with her. 'Gracie?' Anna said before Grace left the room with him. 'Come here for a moment.' She set her teacup down on the table beside the sofa and opened her arms to her.

Once Grace had walked over to her she let her sit in her lap before slipping her arms around her waist and bringing her near. 'I'm so sorry that I couldn't get that doll for you,' She sighed while combing her fingers through her dark hair. 'I wanted to, but it was just too expensive and I was worried that I wouldn't have the money to feed you and Jack if I got it for you. I've decided, though, that when I have enough money I'm going to take you back there and you can get any doll you like.' She watched her daughter's lips curl up into a smile as she stroked her little fingers against her fair hair.

'You don't have to say sorry, mummy,' Grace replied. 'It was just a dolly and it's not your fault. Things are just hard.'

Anna felt her heart swell and she was positive that it was fit to burst with the love that she had for her lovely little girl. 'I know that you don't remember him quite as well as Jack does,' She laid a hand on her cheek and brushed her thumb against her skin. 'But your daddy would be so proud of you if he were here to see what a big girl you've become. You help me so much around the cottage and you're the best big sister in the world to Lily. I don't know what me and your brother and sister would do without you. The three of us love you so much.' She pressed her lips gently to her hairline.

'I love you too,' Grace wrapped both arms around her neck. 'Can we make a cake later?'

'I don't see why not,' Anna nodded before giving her a squeeze. 'What kind of cake should we make?'

'Chocolate!' Grace giggled.

Anna laughed. 'Why am I not surprised?'

The two of them shared a smile before she ran a hand over her daughter's hair.

'How about you go and join Jack and Lily in the kitchen and then I'll come and make your breakfast once I've cleaned up all of this paper?' She suggested before Grace nodded and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Her daughter then rose from her lap and hurried out of the room before she smiled and got up from the sofa to start cleaning the sitting room a little.

In no time at all, she had picked up all of the wrapping paper and put it into the bin near the table on which her sewing machine sat. She then left the room and walked down the hall towards the kitchen, but as soon as she entered the room there was a knock on the front door. 'I won't be a moment,' She told her children before leaving the kitchen again and heading for the door. She had to admit that she was rather surprised to see John standing on her doorstep when she opened it. 'Good morning, Mr. Bates,' She smiled while brushing a curl back beneath her ear. 'What brings you here?'

'I…' He cleared his throat before bringing a present out from behind his back. 'I have a surprise for Grace.'

She looked at the wrapped box, knowing full well what was inside it, before looking into his eyes again and letting out a gentle sigh. 'That had better not be what I think it is.' She said before crossing her arms and leaning against the door.

'If you think it's the doll that was stood in the toy-shop window then you would be correct.' He informed her.

She smiled. 'You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have wasted your money on it.'

'I didn't waste it,' He shook his head. 'I told you the other night that I wanted to help you however I can and last night I remembered what you said about the doll. You were so upset and troubled about not being able to surprise Grace and I thought that I would help you do that. I also remembered how unwell she was when I was here and I thought that this might help to cheer her up a little.' He offered the present to her, but instead of accepting it she shook her head at him.

'You bought it for her, so you should be the one to give it to her,' She told him. 'Come inside.'

She then moved to one side so that he could enter the house before she closed the door behind him and rested her hand on his arm through his coat. 'Thank you so much for this,' She whispered. 'And for everything else that you've done.'

'You're welcome.' He smiled before allowing her to walk down the hall ahead of him.

'Look who's here, Gracie.' She smiled when the two of them walked into the kitchen.

Grace turned around in her chair before smiling at seeing John. 'Mr. Bates!'

'Hello,' He chuckled. 'I hope you don't mind me coming, but I have a little surprise for you.'

Grace's eyes sparkled with excitement when she saw the present in his hand and when he gave it to her she set it down on the dining table. 'Can I open it now, mummy? Please?' She asked after John had moved to stand beside her mother.

'Of course.' Anna nodded while clasping her hands in front of herself.

Grace then began to open the present and when she realised what it was that John had bought for her, soft tears blurred her vision. For the next couple of seconds, she sat in silence in her chair before pushing her chair back and racing over to John. 'Thank you!' She cried after throwing her arms around his waist in a tight hug and hiding her face in his shirt.

John, quite touched by her gratitude, smiled at her and gave her hair a soothing stroke. 'You're very welcome, Grace.'

'Did you know, mum?' She asked after releasing John from her tight hold.

Anna shook her head. 'No, darling, I didn't have a clue.'

Grace giggled before heading back over to the table and starting to open the box that contained the beautiful doll she'd been longing for. 'Look, Jack! Isn't she just perfect?' She smiled at her big brother while holding the dark-haired doll.

'She is!' He nodded before turning to Lily and giving her the other half of the rusk that he had found for her.

'You haven't met my eldest yet,' Anna looked up at John. 'This is Jack. The girls and I would be lost without him.'

John smiled. 'It's nice to meet you, Jack.'

'It's nice to meet you too, Mr. Bates.' Jack replied before taking a long sip of his orange juice and stroking Lily's hair.

'I should leave so that the four of you can get on with your morning.' John admitted as he looked at Anna after a time.

Anna looked at her children for a moment before turning to him. 'I'll walk you to the door.'

She took a step past him before the two of them left the kitchen and walked back down the hall towards the front door. She then opened the door and let him leave the house before he turned back to her and they looked at one another for a moment. 'Thank you, again, for that. You must let me know if there's anything I can do to return the favour.' She said.

'You could…you could join me for dinner sometime.' He told her before a soft blush rose in her cheeks.

'Like a…a date?' She asked.

He sensed her nervousness. 'It doesn't have to be a date. I know that it hasn't been long since you learned of Edward's death and the last thing I want is to rush you or make you feel uncomfortable. I would, however, like to see you a little more and I think you deserve to have one night to yourself.' Relief flooded his veins when a smile graced her features.

'I'd love to have dinner with you,' She whispered. 'When were you thinking?'

'Well, His Lordship's travelling up to London for the night next Monday and he said he doesn't need me.' He told her.

She thought for a moment. 'I'm not working next Monday as far as I'm aware, so that sounds perfect for me.'

'Shall I call for you at around half-past six?' He asked her. 'We could go to The Red Lion in Kirkbymoorside.'

She nodded. 'I'd like that.'

For the next couple of seconds, she looked at him in silence before her heart started to race in her chest when he took a step closer to her and dipped his head to kiss her on the cheek. She couldn't resist the urge to close her eyes and she let out the breath that she hadn't realised she'd been holding when he lingered for a moment-or-so. He stepped back from her after a time and when her eyes opened the two of them shared a smile. 'I'll see you soon, all right?' He said to her.

'All right,' She agreed. 'Goodbye, Mr. Bates.'

'Goodbye, Anna.' He replied before tipping his hat to her and walking off.

Once she had closed the door behind him she pressed her back up against it and sighed to herself with a nervous smile. Mr. Bates had just asked her out on a date. Yes, he had reassured her that it didn't have to be a date, but it was obvious to her that that had been his intention. She wasn't in the right place to start another relationship yet. Even though it had almost been six months since Edward's death she was still heartbroken and still broke down at times. She also had her children to think about this time around. How would Jack and Grace react if she and Mr. Bates started growing closer?

The last thing she wanted was for one or both of them to think that she no longer missed their father.

That she no longer cared.

She had loved Edward for as long as she could remember and that love was still raging within her as she stood there in the hall. She would never stop loving him, no matter what happened, because he had given her three beautiful children and had made sure that none of them had ever wanted for anything while he had been alive. That didn't mean, though, that she wanted to be alone forever. That wasn't what he had wanted for her either. He had told her that himself before his demise. He'd told her: 'Darling, just in case I don't get through, I want you to know that you're free to love again.'

She had shaken her head and refused to listen to him back then. She had kissed him and snuggled further into his arms before telling him not to think like that. Then, of course, a single bullet had taken him from her and their children. She had sworn never to fall in love again, despite knowing that she had Edward's blessing to do so, and she'd believed that nothing would change that. Then she had met Mr. Bates. He was so lovely to her and kind to her children and that was one thing she admired about him. There was no doubt in her mind that he would treat her right if something happened.

Nevertheless, she couldn't make a decision at the moment.

It wouldn't be fair on him if she asked him to wait for her to finish grieving before she thought about what she wanted. She would just have to wait and see which road life led them down. In all truthfulness, however, she didn't mind what happened as long as he was a part of her life. She couldn't fathom losing someone as gentle and understanding as him.

She shook her head to bring herself out of her thoughts a little while later and started to walk back down the hall to the kitchen. 'Right then, my lovelies,' She beamed at her children before running a hand over Grace's hair and placing her other hand on her hip. 'It's Grace's turn to decide what's for breakfast this morning. What shall we have, sweetheart?' She watched her little girl think for a moment before giggling when she gasped and tilted her head back to look at her.

'Can we have pancakes?' The eight-year-old asked.

'We can, indeed,' Anna reassured her before leaning down to brush a kiss against her forehead. 'And what about Miss Lily?' She left her eldest daughter's side in order to walk around the table to her baby, lift her out of her highchair and look her in the eye. 'Would you like to have some pancakes for your breakfast?' She crooned with a raise of her brow, her eyes falling closed when her daughter grabbed her face with a squeal and gave her one of her adorable baby kisses. 'I guess so!' She bounced Lily in her arms before allowing her to cuddle up to her and place her head on her shoulder.

She then pressed her lips to her brow before turning back to her eldest children and giving Jack a smile. 'Jack, darling, will you take Lily into the sitting room and put her in her playpen so that she can play with her toys while I make these pancakes?' She asked before a surge of pride coursed through her when he nodded and left the dining table to walk up to her and take Lily from her. 'Thank you,' She kissed his temple before he began to carry his sister out of the kitchen. 'What do you think of your new doll then, Gracie?' She glanced over at her little girl once the two of them were alone.

'I love her, mum, she's perfect!' Grace replied while running her hand over the doll's hair. 'Mr. Bates is so nice!'

'That he is, princess,' Anna agreed while walking over to the refrigerator to find the eggs. 'That he is…'

* * *

'Grace,' She said after walking into the sitting room where Jack and Grace were playing cards after putting Lily to bed that night. 'Can I talk to you in the hall for a minute, please?' She watched her children look at each other for a second before Grace set her cards face-down on the rug and pushed herself to her feet so that she could leave the sitting room. 'I've been meaning to give this to you since you woke up this morning,' She said once the two of them were alone and she reached into the pocket of her dress before pulling out a card. 'I just wasn't sure if you would feel ready to read it.'

Grace looked at the card in her mother's hand before accepting it from her and looking at her. 'Is it from daddy?'

'Yes,' Anna replied. 'He wrote it when he came back on leave, but he put it in his nightstand and I found it last night.'

Grace fell quiet for a time as she ran her thumb over her father's neat handwriting on the front of the envelope. _Gracie._

'You don't have to read it yet if you don't feel ready, darling,' Anna stepped closer to her little girl before hooking her finger beneath her chin and lifting her gaze to hers. 'If you want to save it for a little while, you can give it to me and I can keep it safe for you. If you do want to read it, though, you can go and sit in your room or in the kitchen and read it in peace.' She ran her hand over Grace's hair before smiling when she slid her arms around her waist and cuddled her.

'I think I'd like to read it in the kitchen, mummy,' Grace whispered. 'But I'll tell you what it says afterwards.'

'All right,' Anna kissed the top of her head. 'I'm just in the sitting room with Jack if you need me.'

Grace nodded before releasing her mother from her hold and sighing as she glanced at the card in her hand once again. She then turned around and walked in the direction of the kitchen and Anna sighed to herself as she watched her enter the room. There was no doubt in her mind that Grace would get emotional about whatever her father had written in the card. Edward had loved her with all his heart and she was certain that he'd made that crystal clear to Grace in his card.

Once she had stood in the hall for a while, Anna entered the sitting room and gave her son a smile before walking over to the sofa and sitting down beside him. 'You found the card that dad wrote for Grace, didn't you, mum?' He inquired.

'How do you know about the card?' She asked him.

He chuckled. 'He asked me to go into town with him so that I could help him to choose the perfect card for her.'

'That sounds like him,' Anna laughed. 'He always wanted everything to be just perfect for the pair of you, you know.'

He nodded. 'Can I ask you a question?'

'Of course, angel, you can ask me anything.' She reassured him while putting an arm around his shoulders.

'Do you think you'll find someone else? Do you think you'll get married again?' He asked while cuddling against her.

She brushed her thumb against his arm through his shirt while looking at him. 'I'm not sure, Jack, but even if I do start courting again it won't be for a long time. I hate to say the words, but your dad…set me free…not long before he went back to war. He still loved me and he still wanted me to be his wife, of course, but he said that if he didn't come home from war I could find someone else.' She saw the warm tears that were sparkling in her son's eyes while she held him.

'I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone else or if I'll get married again, sweetheart, but one thing I'm certain of is that – if I do – he will never replace your father. We'll still go and take flowers to the grave and we'll still talk about him and the ridiculous things he used to do,' She gave Jack a squeeze when he laughed. 'If I do find someone else, Jack, I want you and the girls to approve of him. I want him to adore the three of you and I want the three of you to love him back.'

He sighed. 'Do you like Mr. Bates?'

'I like him as a friend, yes, because he's been extremely good to me since we met.' She explained.

'You wouldn't court him though, would you?' He continued.

She fell quiet for a moment before asking: 'Would you disapprove if I did?'

He shrugged. 'It's just that he's…he's so old and he walks with a cane.'

'Jack Miller,' There was a slight warning tone to her voice. 'He isn't too much older than me and he walks with a cane because he was injured during active service. Just because he has an ailment doesn't mean he isn't a decent man and it isn't something that we should look down on him or judge him for. Your father was older than me and if he had gotten injured I doubt you would be talking about him in such a manner,' She watched him nod silently after losing her gaze. 'All I want from him at the moment is friendship, but if things do progress I promise that I'll tell you and your sisters.'

He sighed at that before snuggling into her side and draping one of his arms over her stomach to anchor himself to her. The two of them then sat in silence together for a time before the sound of footsteps out in the hall made Anna turn her head. Grace smiled at her when she walked into the sitting room with her father's card in her hand, but she was able to see the tear-stains on her cheeks. 'Come here, you,' She whispered after she had stopped stroking Jack's face and held her hand out to her. 'I think we have just enough time for a quick cuddle before it's time for us to turn in for the night.'

She then watched her daughter approach the sofa before she sat down in the space beside her and she wrapped her arm around her waist. Once Grace had settled she kissed her on the forehead before turning her head and doing the same to Jack. 'We're going to get through this, you know,' She tightened her hold of them both while settling back against one of the cushions. 'It's just as hard for the two of you as it is for me, I understand that, but I promise that things will start looking up. I think the three of us just need to have a bit more faith and start looking at things in a more positive way.'

She looked into her son's eyes when he tilted his head back on her shoulder. 'We're so proud of you, mum.'

'We are.' Grace seconded that after looking up at her mother.

Anna pulled them both closer to her. 'And I'm just as proud of the pair of you for how mature you've been about this.'

The three of them smiled before drifting into a comfortable silence as they sat together for a couple of minutes longer.

'I think it's time for bed,' Anna admitted when she looked at the clock on the mantelpiece and realised that it was half-past nine. 'Jack has his paper round in the morning and then the two of you have rather a lot of schoolwork to get finished,' She smirked as the two of them groaned in disapproval before she gave them one more squeeze and rose from the sofa with them. 'Lights out when you're in your nightclothes,' She said after looking at Jack. 'No reading tonight.'

Jack pouted a little before nodding and kissing her on the cheek. 'Night, mum.'

'Night, darling,' She replied before he left the sitting room in order to go up to bed and she turned to her little girl with a sigh. It was clear to her that she was still a little emotional about the card. 'Do you want to come and sleep in the big bed with me again? I think another cuddle is something we could both do with, isn't it?' She took her hand in her own.

Once Grace had nodded, she leaned down to brush a kiss against her cheek before the two of them left the sitting room and walked up the stairs to bed.

* * *

**Author's Note: I apologise for the shorter chapter and for the somewhat abrupt ending, but I wanted to get a chapter up for you all and writer's block set in just as I was reaching this point. I hope that you don't mind though, and I promise that the next chapter will be longer and have a better ending. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this chapter and I would be so grateful if you would leave a review to let me know what you thought. Thank you for the continued support and I'll see you all soon! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I apologise for the wait between this chapter and the last one, but I've been working on "Our Miracle" and haven't had much time to update this one recently. I hope that you all like this chapter, though, and happy reading! :)**

* * *

Even though there was an ache in her heart while she looked through some old photographs of herself and Edward, there was still a gentle smile on Anna's lips as she thought back to memories that they had made over the years. If she had to choose a favourite memory, then it would be telling him that she was pregnant. She had wanted to surprise him with the news rather than just tell him, and so she had rushed home from the hospital and spent all afternoon knitting a little outfit for their child. When he had come home from work that night, she'd greeted him at the door and kissed him before taking him into the sitting room. That was when she had surprised him with the tiny outfit.

Surprisingly, he had been somewhat confused until she had reached for his hand and brought it to rest on her stomach through her dress. He had burst into tears when she had told him that he was going to be a daddy, but his reaction hadn't shocked her in the slightest. Since their courting days, he had gone on and on about how perfect it would be to start a family with her. Unfortunately, just weeks after their wedding night, she had lost their first child. She hadn't even known that she had been pregnant until the doctor had confirmed it. Edward had been just as heartbroken as she had in the weeks after their loss, and so his reaction to her being pregnant again hadn't shocked her.

Both of them had known that there was a chance that she would miscarry again, however, and so they'd tried not to get their hopes up too much until she had felt the first little kick. It had been the most magical feeling and she had yearned for him to be able to feel it as well. She hadn't had to wait long. Just months later, it had seemed as though their child had never stopped kicking or moving around within her. Thinking back to that time now, knowing how much Jack loved to run around in the garden with his sisters and play a game of football with his friends, it didn't surprise her that he had never kept still. Even before he had entered the world, he had been such a lively little thing.

Her pregnancy with Jack had been a breeze and she had loved every minute of it, but she was unable to say the same about giving birth to him. He had decided to take his time, and so she had been in agonizing labour with him for just short of sixteen hours before finally being able to hold him in her arms. The pain had been so worth it, though. She had been blessed with the most handsome baby boy who had done nothing but stare at her for the first hour of his life. Even now, almost thirteen years after that night, she would go through that pain all over again if it meant that she could have such a wonderful son and see the look of pure pride on her husband's face. She would, seriously.

She continued to look through the photographs in her hands for a short time, but before she knew it there was a knock on the front door. Looking up at the clock on the mantelpiece, she noticed that it was half-past six and smiled to herself before laying the photographs down on the table beside the sofa and standing up. She then padded over to the mirror that hung on the wall, fixed her hair slightly and walked out of the sitting room. It didn't take long for her to walk down the hall to the front door, and once she had opened it she offered John a smile at seeing him on her doorstep. 'Good evening, Mr. Bates.' She greeted him, a gentle blush rising in her cheeks at the look on his face.

'Good evening, Anna,' He managed to respond after a couple of seconds had passed. 'You…you look beautiful.'

She ducked her head for a second before clasping her hands in front of herself and gazing into his eyes. 'You don't look too bad, yourself.'

The two of them looked at one another in silence for a time before John cleared his throat. 'I hope you don't mind, but I was in the village this morning and I saw these,' He pulled a small bouquet of red roses out from behind his back. 'I thought I would surprise you with them.'

'Oh, they're absolutely beautiful,' She breathed while accepting them from him. 'Roses happen to be my favourite, too, so you've done well.'

He chuckled.

'Thank you so much, Mr. Bates, this is so lovely of you,' She sighed after taking a moment to breathe in the scent of the roses in her hand. 'Come through to the kitchen and I'll find a vase to put these in before we leave,' She then moved to one side and allowed him to enter the house before closing the door and walking to the kitchen with him behind her. 'I guess you're wondering why the house is so silent tonight.'

'It _was_ rather a surprise not to see Lily clinging on to you when you answered the door, I'll admit.' He teased which made her laugh.

'Jack and Grace are out at a sleepover and Mrs. Robins told me that she would have Lily at hers overnight so that I can rest,' She told him once the two of them had entered the kitchen and she'd gotten the floral vase down from the windowsill. 'I'll admit that I do need a bit of a break after the last couple of weeks, but the children have only been gone for two hours and I already miss the three of them so much.'

John sighed when she turned back to him after filling the vase with water and putting the roses into it. 'Are you positive that you want to go out for dinner tonight? If you'd rather stay in and just talk, that's fine with me.' He reassured her before a smile crept across her lips.

'No, let's go out,' She shook her head. 'It'll take my mind off of missing the children and I've been looking forward to this evening since we last spoke.'

'We should get going if we're not going to miss the bus then,' He told her. 'It arrives at the bus stop at the end of the lane in ten minutes.'

She nodded and let him leave the kitchen ahead of her before following him back down the hall to where her hat and coat were hanging on their hooks. Once she'd put her hat and coat on and fastened the buttons, she opened the door and went out into the night before waiting for John to leave the cottage so that she could lock the door behind them. 'Shall we?' He asked while offering her his arm, a gentle giggle escaping her as she nodded before sliding her arm through his and allowing him to guide her out of her garden and onto the deserted lane. 'The Red Lion won't be too crowded tonight, that's why I suggested it.' He said as the two of them walked to the end of the lane together.

'That's good. We can have a proper conversation and I can finally learn more about you.' She looked up at him.

'You really want to learn more about me?' He scoffed self-deprecatingly.

Feeling rather bold all of a sudden, she went onto her tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. 'I want to learn everything about you.'

'Then you shall,' He released her arm once they'd walked down to the bus stop at the end of the lane. 'Anything you want to know, just ask.'

'Oh, I will,' She reassured him. 'I most certainly will.'

* * *

It was later that evening when the two of them were sat together at The Red Lion after finishing their dinner, and John couldn't help but smile as he looked across the table at Anna and watched her put another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. He had meant it when he'd told her that she looked beautiful earlier that night. Her hair was twisted into a tight bun at the nape of her neck, the red dress that she had chosen to wear complimented her complexion and the small amount of makeup that she'd applied to her face only added to her beauty.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a wonderful evening.

From the moment they had arrived at the public house, she had been making him laugh with stories about her childhood and about her own children and he had loved learning more about her background. He had revealed more about himself than he had expected to, as well, such as what his own youth had been like and what he'd done to save Lord Grantham's life while fighting in the Boers. She just made him feel so at ease. He felt as though he could speak to her about anything that was on his mind, without having to worry about her judging him for it.

'Can I tell you something, John?' The sound of her voice pulled him from his thoughts.

'Of course,' He nodded with a smile. 'You can tell me anything.'

She sighed and stopped eating her ice cream for a time in order to look across the table at him. 'There was a small part of me that felt as though I wouldn't have fun tonight. I was looking forward to this, but I was also worried because I thought that I would be thinking about Edward the entire time and I wouldn't be able to focus on you. That isn't what's happened, though. I have thought about Edward tonight, I admit that, but not as much as I would if I were at home. For the first time since his passing, I've actually had fun and that's down to you.'

John felt his heart swell a little in his chest. 'You deserve to laugh and have fun, Anna, even though Edward isn't around anymore.'

'It just…it just feels disloyal to do those things without him…' She admitted. 'He was the most important person in my life for a long time.'

'I understand that,' He said. 'But do you really think that he would feel betrayed if he could see you finding joy in something without him?'

She sat in silence for a time while she thought about his words. 'No…' She shook her head. 'To be honest, I think he would be proud of me.'

'He _would_ be proud of you,' He agreed. 'He would be so proud to see how well you're doing with your singing career and raising your children, Anna.'

Soft tears brimmed in her eyes as she looked at him. 'I don't want to be a singer anymore.'

'You don't?' The look in his eyes told her that she had surprised him.

'No,' She replied. 'I mean, singing will always be a part of me, but I would rather spend hours reading bedtime stories to Grace than sing in front of a room full of drunken men every other night. I keep telling her and Jack that it won't be like this forever. That a better job will come along and I'll be able to be at home with them at night, but I've been telling them that for such a long time and even I'm beginning to doubt that it's ever going to happen.' She swirled her teaspoon around in the ice cream that had begun to melt in the glass in front of her.

John watched her in silence until she looked at him again. 'Have you ever thought about helping out in one of the shops in the village?'

'There isn't a single shopkeeper in Downton that I haven't found and asked,' She placed her hands in her lap. 'They're not taking anyone on.'

'Well, how about…' He tried again but stopped talking when she reached across the table and took his hand in hers.

'It's all right,' She soothed. 'I shouldn't have brought this up tonight of all nights. Not when this is our first date.'

She had to forbid herself to giggle when his eyes widened and he tightened his hold of her hand. 'This…this is our first date?'

'I've had almost two weeks to think about tonight,' She reminded him. 'I was unsure about what I wanted tonight to be at first, but then I remembered how Edward set me free a couple of nights before he went back to war. He told me that I could find someone else and fall in love again if he didn't come home. When he died, I swore to myself that I would never let another man into my life and I stuck to that for quite a while. Then, of course, I came to Downton on Her Ladyship's birthday and you…you gave me that smile of yours and I felt my resolve start to slip.'

The two of them chuckled softly together and she felt a blush bloom in her cheeks, her heart fluttering in her chest when he reached out and brushed a strand of her hair back behind her ear. 'Do you have the first idea of how beautiful you look when you laugh?' He asked her.

'Such a charmer.' She tutted.

'It's not being a charmer if it's true.' He explained.

She offered him a smile. 'I'm going to have to ask you to be rather patient with me for the first couple of months, if not longer than that. I need to sit Jack and Grace down and talk to them about this. I need to be sure that the thought of us starting a courtship doesn't make them feel uncomfortable. It might not make the world of sense to you, but the happiness of my children needs to be my main priority, Mr. Bates, regardless of how I feel about you.' She explained before he rested his hand on her cheek and ran his thumb across her warm skin.

'I understand, Anna, and I don't care how long it takes,' He reassured her. 'I would wait for years for you if it came to it.'

'It won't be years, but I do need some time.' She held his gaze when he took his hand off of her cheek.

'And time is what you will have,' He lifted the hand that was caught in his to his lips and kissed the back of it. 'I promise…'

* * *

'Would you like to stay for a little while and have a drink with me? Or are you expected back?' Anna asked once John had walked her home and the two of them were standing together in the hall while she slid her feet out of her heels, unbuttoned her coat and took off her hat.

John looked at the clock on the wall behind her as she hung her hat and coat on the hooks, a sigh escaping him when he noticed that it was a quarter-past nine. 'As much as I hate to bring tonight to an end, I'm afraid I need to head off if I'm to get back to Downton before ten.'

'I understand.' She replied before smiling when he placed his hands on her waist, stepped closer to her and brought her close to his chest.

'You're certain that you're going to be all right on your own?' He kept his voice soft as he looked into her eyes.

She nodded and laid her hands on his forearms through his jacket. 'It's just one night and the children will be back at around nine o'clock.'

'Make the most of the peace and quiet and go and get into bed,' He told her. 'Trust me, a proper night's sleep can make all the difference.'

'All right…' She whispered.

Even though both of them realised that he was wasting time by holding her in the hallway of her cottage, neither one of them cared much. His gaze left hers and fell to her lips after a time, and when he looked into her eyes again there was the most captivating sparkle in them. 'Can…can I kiss you before I leave?' He asked as his heart pounded in his chest and he was positive that his cheeks were burning furiously.

'Well, you did treat me to dessert after dinner and I'm home in one piece…' She moved her hands to his chest. 'Of course, you can kiss me.'

Feeling relief surge through his veins, he moved one hand to the back of her neck and one hand to her waist before capturing her lips with his in a soft kiss. He kept his touch light so that she could end their kiss and step back from him if she wanted to, but brought her a little closer to him when she moved her hands from his chest to his waist and curled her fingers into his jacket. The two of them let their first kiss linger for some time, wanting to savour the moment, but the urge to breathe soon arose and so John slowly started to break the kiss.

Her eyes flickered open just seconds after he had pulled back from her, and he felt a smile spread across his lips when she sucked on her lower lip and buried her face in his chest to hide her burning cheeks. He couldn't think of a single word that summed up just how much she meant to him. She was perfect and he had some kind of deep-seated need to protect her and never let her forget how cherished she was. 'I have to go…' He whispered reluctantly into the hair at the crown of her head before nuzzling a kiss into it and sighing with satisfaction.

'I'm not going to see you until next week now.' She almost pouted after pulling back from his chest and looking into his eyes again.

'It'll be worth the wait, I promise,' He traced the curve of her waist with his hands. 'And I'll finally be allowed to hold your hand in public.'

She giggled before he stooped to brush one last kiss against her lips, the two of them sighing in unison before they parted and she moved to open the front door. Once he had stepped out of the cottage, he turned back to her and took her hand in his before giving it a squeeze. 'Go and get into bed, sweetheart,' He told her. 'You look exhausted and I think you could do with the sleep before the children come back.'

'I think you're right,' She agreed before using her arm to stifle the yawn that escaped her. 'Goodnight.'

'Goodnight.' He echoed before releasing her hand, turning around and walking away from her and the cottage.

Once he was out of sight, she closed the door behind her and made sure to lock it before touching her fingers to her lips and beaming like a mere schoolgirl. She couldn't remember the last time she had been kissed like that. John had been so gentle and patient with her, and it had been one of the most perfect first kisses. He was one of the loveliest men she had ever met. He was kind, he was warm, he was gentle and he was so protective. He was also a man that she could envision her children growing to adore and that filled her heart with happiness.

She would always miss Edward.

She would always wish that he had come home to her and that he could be around to watch their children grow up.

The grief that still raged within her would no longer be so hard to bear, however, because she wouldn't have to bear it alone anymore.

She had John to hold and comfort her whenever she was in need of it, and she knew that his support was going to be invaluable.

Things were finally beginning to look up for her and, she hoped, for her children.

She finally felt as though she was being lifted out of the darkness.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading this chapter and I hope that you found it enjoyable! Please let me know what you thought of it with a review, and I'll see you all in the next chapter :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I'm back! I really am so sorry for taking such a long time off from writing, but I really did need the break and everything is better now which is good. I've wanted to return to writing for weeks now, but my writer's block was horrendous after being away for so long. It seems as though my creativity has finally returned, though, because I managed to write this over the course of two days and I'm so pleased! I hope that you all enjoy it and thank you for your continued support x**

* * *

From where she was sitting on a bench in the cemetery and rocking a flat out Lily in her arms, Anna sighed sadly as she watched Grace kneel in front of Edward's grave. She couldn't quite hear what her little girl was saying to her father due to the wind, but she could see tears rolling down her face, and the sight alone was enough to make her feel as though she had been stabbed through the heart. Even though she had only just turned eight, she – much like herself – was a very strong and private individual. Her daughter kept her feelings to herself for the most part and only allowed the diary on her nightstand to know about them. It took a hell of a lot to reduce her to tears and so, when she sobbed like this, it broke her heart completely.

She was unsure as to why, but this past week had been difficult for Grace from the very start.

Everything that she had done and seen had reminded her of Edward in one way or another and she had broken down in her arms several times, asking her why he had sworn that he would be coming home and then gone back on his word, and – for the first time – she had despised her husband. In the back of her mind, when he had been making his promises to Jack and Grace, a soft voice had warned her that he had been making a terrible mistake. She had agreed, of course, but she had also known her husband. She had already told him once that she didn't agree with the bad choices he'd made. If she had tried to tell him that a second time he would have gone into one of his dark moods. And those dark moods of his had always terrified her.

She had never once worried that he would strike her because he hadn't been that kind of man.

His dark moods had always led to him drinking all night, though, and he had been a completely different man while drunk.

He would snap, shout at her, sulk, slam doors and give her the silent treatment for hours on end.

The morning after, however, when he would come 'round with a horrid headache and memories of the night before would come rushing back, he would turn to her in bed and pull her into his arms before apologising sincerely. He would kiss her and make love to her and remind her of just how much he loved her, and she would forgive him every time. Her friends at the time had thought her stupid for doing so, but what they hadn't realised was that she had been unable to afford to lose him. Everything that they had owned had been in his name and she dreaded to think what would have happened to her if she had lost him. Besides, his awful moods had been rare and more often than not he had showered her with nothing but love and affection.

'Mummy?' The sound of a soft, tearful little voice pulled her from her thoughts and she looked up to see Grace approaching.

'Yes, sweet-pea?' She sighed while reaching out to brush several black curls out of her face.

Grace sniffed as a single tear fell down her cheek. 'Can we go home, please?'

'Of course,' Anna nodded. 'How about we put Lily in her cot when we get back? Then, if you like, we can have a nice cuddle on the sofa while she naps.'

The thought of cuddling and having her mother to herself made Grace smile. 'Can we have hot chocolate, too?'

Anna laughed. 'I don't see why not.'

The two of them then shared a smile before she rose from the bench with Lily nestled safely in one arm and slid her hand into Grace's, her daughter sliding her fingers through the gaps in her own before she leaned down to kiss her head and began to lead her out of the cemetery. Just as she shut the gate behind them once they were back out on the street she heard an all-too-familiar half-step and turned her head, a gentle smile appearing on her lips at the sight of John strolling in their direction. A mere week had passed since their date, yet she had missed him more than she could explain. 'Good morning.' He greeted with a tip of his hat once he had reached them, the affectionate glance that he offered her causing her heart to flutter.

He had missed her just as much.

'Good morning, Mr. Bates,' She replied. 'What brings you here?'

'I just have an errand to run for His Lordship and this route gets me there that little bit faster,' He chuckled before lowering his gaze to Grace and feeling his heart sink at the tears in her eyes and the stains from ones already cried on her cheeks. 'Is everything all right, Grace?' He asked softly.

Anna sighed and caressed the back of her little girl's hand with her thumb. 'She's missing her daddy quite a lot this week, aren't you, darling?'

Grace responded with a mute nod as she looked up at John.

'I'm sorry,' He said before thinking for a moment and looking down the street at the sweet shop. 'Do you like sweets, Grace?'

The young girl's eyes sparkled. 'I love sweets!'

He smiled and reached into his coat pocket before bringing out a number of shillings and allowing her to take them. 'Why don't you go and buy some?'

Grace looked up at her mother. 'Can I, mummy, can I?'

'I'll wait here with Lily while you go,' Anna nodded. 'Make sure you aren't too long, though, because I don't want her getting cold.'

After sliding her hand out of her mother's and making sure that there were no cars coming down the road, Grace walked over to the opposite side of the street and Anna watched her walk down to the sweet shop before turning to John with a smirk. 'I'm struggling to decide if you did that to cheer her up or if you did it for your own selfish reasons, Mr. Bates.' She teased while pulling Lily's blanket a little tighter around her to keep out the chill.

'Does this answer your question?' He asked before, after reassuring himself that no-one was looking their way for the moment, discreetly resting his hand on her waist and leaning down to catch her in a warm kiss. Her lips clung to his for a second as she leaned into him and basked in their closeness with a hum, and when they parted just moments later they were grinning like idiots. 'No,' He breathed. 'My motives weren't wholly selfish, but I have to admit that that was quite something,' He watched a blush rise in her cheeks and he gave her a smile. 'I've missed you so much this week, you know.'

'Me too,' She bounced Lily in her arms as she whimpered in her sleep. 'But it's just two more days until my next performance.'

'I know, I've been counting.' He chuckled.

She couldn't help but giggle herself in slight disbelief before her expression turned somewhat serious and she rested her hand over his on her waist. 'I haven't been able to speak with Jack and Grace about…_us_…yet. I have wanted to and I've almost done it a number of times, but this week has been so difficult for Grace and I just don't think it's the right time. She's been so upset about Edward and I just can't ask her to accept another man into her life while she's struggling like this. I hate the thought of keeping you waiting because I really do want to be with you, but things are just diffic…'

'Hey,' He soothed with a comforting stroke of her cheek. 'I've already told you that I don't care about how long it takes for you to speak to Jack and Grace about this. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me, my darling, and I mean it when I say that I would wait years for you.'

Her vision became blurred with tears.

She hadn't been called anyone's darling for six long months and it filled her heart with happiness to hear those two lovely words fall from John's lips.

'I love you…' She blurted out before she had the chance to even realise what she was saying, her voice quieter than she had ever heard it.

She didn't have to ask if he had heard her, though, because the shocked expression on his face reassured her that he had heard her as clear as day.

'You…you what?' He used the thumb on the hand on her waist to trace the curve of her side through her dress.

She looked into his eyes, unable to tear her gaze away. 'I…I, um…' She stumbled over her words. 'I love you.'

He shook his head with a smile as his heart swelled in his chest. 'You haven't the first idea of how pleased I am to hear you say that.'

'You mean…' Relief flooded her veins. 'You…you love me?'

He looked at her as though she had grown a second head. 'What do you think? Anna, I've been mad about you since the night I met you.'

'Really?' She beamed.

'Do you honestly find it so hard to believe that someone could fall in love with you?' He frowned slightly.

She shrugged. 'I…I come with baggage, Mr. Bates, and most men would just run off at the thought of me having three children waiting back at home.'

'Then I guess I'm not like most men,' He squeezed her waist. 'When I kissed you at the end of our date last week, I kissed you with full knowledge of what I was taking on. I understand that I need to let your children into my life if I want to be with you, sweetheart, and I am more than happy to do that. I'm happy to help you take care of this little one,' He brought his spare hand to Lily's face and caressed her round little cheek with the back of his palm. 'I'm happy to help Grace and Jack in any way I can, and I'm more than happy to adore them all just as much as I would if they were my own.'

Anna released a trembling breath. 'You're so wonderful. I don't deserve you.'

'You deserve the world…' He brushed a fallen strand of blonde hair out of her face.

'And that's exactly what I have when I'm with you.' She sniffed while nuzzling against his hand.

The two of them gazed into one another's eyes for a moment-or-so before John lowered his gaze to her lips, but just as he started to lean in to kiss her they heard the sound of little feet running down the street. 'Mummy, mummy!' John allowed his hand to leave Anna's waist and they turned their heads in Grace's direction before watching her cross the road safely, Anna smiling at her little girl when she ran to her with a bag of sweets in hand. 'Look at how many sweeties I was able to get! I bought some lemon drops for you, too, because I know that lemon drops are your favourite sweeties!'

'Oh, my darling, bless you,' Anna giggled with a stroke of her dark curls. 'Don't you have somebody that you need to say thank you to?'

Grace gasped before turning around and giving John a gentle cuddle. 'Thank you for the sweeties, Mr. Bates, I'm glad that you're my mummy's friend!'

John chuckled and stroked her back before lifting his gaze to Anna. 'I'm glad I'm your mummy's friend, too.'

He didn't miss the way that Anna's cheeks burned as she looked down at Lily and fixed her blanket again.

'Can we go home now, mummy? I want Jack to see all of the sweets I have!' Grace exclaimed after releasing John from her tight hold.

'All right,' Anna nodded. 'Thank you again, Mr. Bates, for what you did for Gracie.'

'You're welcome.' He replied.

He then watched as Anna took Grace's hand in hers and began to lead her down the street, nothing but love for her in his eyes when she looked back at him and flashed him the most beautiful smile. Even though she and her children had only been in his life for a month at the most, to him it seemed as though he had known them a good deal longer. He loved Anna more than he had ever loved anything or anyone and he was certain that he was going to end up loving her children just as much. He knew that things wouldn't fall into place overnight though. It could take weeks or perhaps even months for Jack and Grace to come around to the idea of him being a part of their lives – if it ever happened. Nevertheless, he was going to remain hopeful.

Anna needed him to be patient with her and with her children.

And – true to his word – he would be patient for as long as she required.

* * *

There was a slight frown on Anna's face as she sat on the sofa with her little girl curled up in her lap a short while after they had made it home, the fingers of one hand running through her raven curls while her other hand laid on her waist and kept her snuggled against her chest. When the two of them had first returned home, Grace had been so excited to show Jack all of the sweets she had bought and happiness had shone in her eyes as she had eaten the peace babies. Ever since she had climbed into her lap and cuddled against her chest, however, she hadn't heard a single peep from her.

She had been in this odd mood ever since she and Jack had returned home from their afternoon at the park with their friends the past Wednesday, and even though she wanted to believe that nothing had happened to her daughter while the two of them had been gone, she was struggling to shake off the suspicion. 'Gracie, sweetheart, is it all right if I ask you a question?' She asked gently after holding her little girl in silence for a short while, her hold of Grace tightening slightly when she moved her head from her chest to her shoulder and nodded in response while looking up into her eyes. 'When you and Jack were at the park with your friends last week, did something happen? Did someone say something to you that made you feel sad?'

Grace just curled her fingers into the cardigan that her mother was wearing and looked at her in silence.

'You can tell me, Grace, I'm your mummy and you never have to be afraid to talk to me.' Anna comforted while holding her a little closer to her chest.

'Um…' Grace dropped her gaze as soft tears burned her eyes. 'Vincent…Vincent said that daddy died because he didn't want to fight for me anymore.'

Anna stiffened a little at that.

Vincent Davison had always seemed to take pleasure in upsetting and tormenting her children.

Three years ago, Edward had gone to his cottage and given him an earful after he and his friends had pushed Jack over and stolen his pocket money. He had been fifteen at the time and she would have thought that he had matured since then, but Grace's confession had made it obvious that he was still as much of a bully as he had been back then. He was eighteen, practically a grown man, and he'd taunted an eight-year-old girl about her father's death. Thanks to him, as if she wasn't suffering enough already, her little girl had been going through so much pain because she had been teased into thinking that her father hadn't cherished her enough to continue fighting. She had been made to believe that he hadn't wanted to come home to her.

The mere thought of the pain that Grace had been trying to endure on her own for the past week made hot tears brim in Anna's eyes.

'Grace Miller, look at me,' Anna ordered once she had cleared her throat of tears and took her daughter's chin on her finger in order to lift her gaze back to her own. 'Everything that Vincent and his friends told you last week was nothing but horrible lies. Your daddy loved you with all his heart and he wanted you from the moment he found out that I was going to be having a baby. When you were in my belly, daddy used to give you so many kisses and he never stopped going on about how much he wanted a baby girl,' She was aware of the fact that she was sobbing as she spoke to her daughter, but she didn't care. 'The night you arrived, he sat beside me with you in his arms and promised you that he would never stop loving or protecting you.'

'So…' Grace stammered with tears of her own streaming down her cheeks. 'What Vincent said wasn't right?'

Before Anna had even had the chance to open her mouth, Jack came storming into the sitting room with balled fists and nothing but fury in his eyes. 'No, Gracie,' He snarled once his sister and mother had turned their attention to him. 'It wasn't right at all and I am going to _kill_ him for saying that.'

Then, just as quickly as he had come storming into the room, he stormed out again and Anna was immediately overcome with an awful wave of nausea. She wasted no time in moving Grace out of her lap and getting to her feet, but by the time she had hurried out into the garden her son had mounted his bicycle. 'Jack, don't be so stupid! Get back here this instant!' She snapped, her words clearly falling on deaf ears as he began to cycle as madly as possible out of the garden and down the lane. 'Stay calm, Anna, stay calm…' Her voice trembled as she tried her hardest to maintain some composure.

Knowing that the longer she waited to take action the more danger her little boy would be in, she ran back inside the house and into the sitting room before looking at a rather shaken up Grace and taking a deep breath. 'Grace, run upstairs and get Lily while I telephone Mrs. Robins,' She instructed. 'She's going to need her pacifier and her blankie, and don't forget the bag with her cloths and clean dresses,' Her daughter nodded and left the sofa at once before walking past her and running upstairs to fetch Lily. 'Jack, you silly boy…' She muttered under her breath while going to the telephone.

She chewed on her bottom lip and shook with impatience while waiting to be connected after picking up the telephone, and as soon as she heard Mrs. Robins' voice she released a tearful sigh of relief. 'Mrs. Robins, it's Anna…' She managed to get out. 'I need you to mind the girls. It's an emergency…'

* * *

Almost as soon as she had handed Lily over to Mrs. Robins and kissed her and Grace goodbye, Anna was hurrying out of the garden and down the lane to the cottage she knew Vincent and his parents lived in. She was furious. Furious and terrified at the thought of her twelve-year-old trying to fight a grown man. Jack was tall for his age and extremely athletic thanks to the ridiculous amount of football he played with his friends, but she knew he was no match for someone of Vincent's stature. Vincent, for as long as she had known him, had towered over her son and the chances of Jack coming out of a fight with him in one piece – especially if his friends chose to join in – were nil. She just prayed that she succeeded in getting to him in time.

It took her some time to reach the front of Vincent's cottage, but once she had she opened the gate and walked down the path she started knocking on the door as loud as she could. 'Mrs. Davison? Mrs. Davison, are you there?' She repeated herself several times before stopping when the sound of a key turning in the lock reached her ears. She could tell that Mrs. Davison wasn't all that pleased to see her on her doorstep, but her happiness was far down on the list of things that she cared about at that moment. 'Mrs. Davison,' She panted, breathless from running. 'Where's Vincent right now?'

Mrs. Davison frowned. 'And why would that be any of _your_ concern?'

Anna didn't have the time nor patience for her attitude. 'Because he may very well be beating the life out of my son! Now, where is he?'

Mrs. Davison looked at her in pure shock for a moment. 'He…He said something about going to sit near the park for an hour with his friends.'

'Thank you,' Anna nodded. 'That's all I needed to know.'

'Wait!' Mrs. Davison said before turning back to the cottage. 'Richard, get down here!'

She then turned her attention back to Anna before giving her the minutest glimpse of sympathy. 'Just in case. You might…you might need some help.'

Once Mr. Davison had come downstairs and pulled on his shoes, he and Anna shared the slightest smile before they left the garden and headed down the street in the direction of the little park. She wanted to believe that Jack wasn't there and that Vincent and his friends were simply lying around nearby like he'd told his parents, but when the sound of cheers and encouragement from around the corner reached her ears she felt her heart sink like a rock in her chest. There was no doubt in her mind that Jack and Vincent's fight was what had caused all the commotion behind the tall hedges.

There was also no doubt in her mind that her son was the one losing.

She and Mr. Davison picked up their pace at once, and as soon as they rounded the corner they were met with the sight of their sons having it out on the grass while a growing crowd of children watched on. If Anna hadn't felt sick before, the sight of so many people simply observing her son in such a situation definitely made her stomach turn. After standing at the entrance to the park for a minute, too dumbfounded to move, Anna realised that Mr. Davison had started running towards the fight and began to follow his lead. If there was one thing that she was sure about in that moment, then it was that she needed to help her little boy. The time for scolding him for being so stupid and starting such a fight would come when he was healed.

Once she had managed to elbow her way through the crowd that had formed around the two boys, she saw that Mr. Davison had succeeded in prising Vincent off of her son and Jack was lying on his back on the grass, too weak to even attempt to move. Seeing her baby in such a state killed her, but she had to break up the crowd before she could fall to her knees beside him. She wouldn't stand by and allow him to feel more humiliated than he most likely already did. 'Don't you lot have homes to go to?' She snapped after facing the children staring down at her son. 'I can't believe that I'm in a position to say that I recognise some of your faces. It's disgusting and the lot of you can rest assured that I'll be informing your parents about this.'

It was clear to pick out the children that knew her from the children that didn't.

The children that knew her were the only ones who had shame written across their faces and couldn't bring themselves to look her in the eye.

'All of you, get out of my sight,' She barked. 'Now!'

The crowd then began to slowly disperse and once she was comfortable with the distance between them and her son she knelt down next to him, the deepest sigh escaping her as she ran a hand over his hair and took in the sight of him. His face was badly bruised and swollen and both his lip and his nose were bleeding ever-so-slightly, but other than that he seemed to be okay at first glance. Nevertheless, she would be ringing doctor Clarkson to arrange a house-call as soon as she had gotten Jack home and into bed. The groan of pain that came from her little boy caused pain to surge through her heart when he turned his head in her direction, but she couldn't help but smile down at him when he opened his eyes a little and looked up at her.

'I'm grounded…aren't I, mummy?' He wheezed, a tell-tale sign that he had been winded at some point during the altercation.

'Of course,' She caressed his cheek. 'But you've got enough to worry about at the moment without throwing that into the mix. Just rest, sweetheart.'

For the next couple of minutes, while her son laid on the ground with his eyes closed and attempted to control the pain, she sat beside him in silence and stroked his face with delicate sweeps of her fingers. She was still furious with him, she wasn't going to pretend that she wasn't, but there was a time and a place for her to sit him down and talk to him about it and that was not then and there. 'My brave boy…' She whispered when he arched his back and grimaced when a surge of pain coursed through him. The sound of approaching footsteps made her look up from him sometime later and the sight of Mr. Davison approaching her made her sigh. 'Mr. Davison, this has gone on for much too long and I'm truly beginning to lose my patience now.'

Mr. Davison looked at her in silence.

'I…I can't have my children feeling too scared to come and spend an afternoon at the park with their friends because Vincent is incapable of allowing them to play in peace. It was bad enough when he and his friends were teasing Jack all those years ago, but now it's my little girl that he won't leave alone and I won't stand for it. He's eighteen years old, Mr. Davison, practically a man and yet he thinks it's acceptable for him to pick on children and pummel a twelve-year-old until he's barely conscious. If he can't leave my children be, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider pressing charges.'

'There's no need for that,' Mr. Davison said quickly as his eyes widened. 'Just have Jack apologise to Vincent and we can put all of this to bed.'

Anna couldn't quite believe what she had just heard.

Had he truly just told her to ask her son to apologise to the man who had just beat the life out of him?

'You can't be serious…' She shook her head at him.

'According to Vincent, Jack was the one who asked for the fight.' Mr. Davison shrugged.

She felt her anger flare. 'I don't condone him initiating the fight, Mr. Davison, but he never would have done it if Vincent had just left Grace alone.'

'My son might have said a couple of hurtful words, Mrs. Miller, but he is _not_ the one to blame for this little scuffle.' Mr. Davison snapped.

'Little scuffle!' She scoffed. 'That's easy for you to say when your son isn't the one lying on the ground in agony! Vincent hasn't a single bruise on him!' She took a deep breath to calm herself down, purely for her son's sake, as Mr. Davison went on staring at her. 'I'm not making him apologise for this.'

'Have it your way, Mrs. Miller,' He said flatly. 'Have it your way…'

She glared at him and his son as she watched the two of them make their way through the park and after they had disappeared behind the hedges, she gave her son her full attention and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. 'I think it's time for us to at least try to get you back on your feet, precious, because I'm afraid you're a little too big for me to carry home,' Her heart swelled at the sight of the handsome smile that curled his lips as he listened to her, and when he opened his eyes once again she slipped her hand into his. 'Ready?' She raised an eyebrow at him before, when he gave her a weak nod, aiding him in sitting up. 'I'll take you straight home and get you settled in bed with a nice cup of tea before I go and get your sisters.'

'Thank you,' He whispered after turning his head in her direction and looking into her eyes. 'I'm sorry for what I put you through today, mum, really.'

'You should be,' She tutted before kissing his temple tenderly. 'I never want you to do something as foolish or dangerous as this again, is that clear?'

'As a bell.' He reassured her.

Satisfied that he had learned his lesson, she allowed him to rest for a couple of minutes before smoothing her thumb across his knuckles and looking into his eyes. 'The sooner we get you up, the sooner we're going to get you home,' She reminded him. 'Just lean on me, sweetheart, and you'll be okay.' She moved the hand that was settled on his back around to his waist for added support when he began to stand up and when he was finally on his feet, she helped him find his balance before he leaned most of his weight on her and she buried the softest of kisses in his hair. 'I love you so much.'

'I love you too.' He told her with nothing but sincerity in his eyes as he snuggled into her side.

'Come on,' She gestured with her head towards the exit to the park. 'Let's get you home.'

And, with that, she brought her son a little closer and held him tight to her as the two of them left the park and began the slow walk back home.

* * *

She trailed a hand along the curve of Jack's spine through his nightshirt and studied his swollen face as she held him while he slept that evening, his head lying on her shoulder and his arm thrown across her stomach as the deep grimace on his face told her that the pain relief he'd taken some time ago still had yet to take effect. She had thought that he had been fine when she had been sat with him after the fight. She had deemed his injuries to be simple ones that wouldn't take all that long to heal, but she couldn't have been more wrong. Vincent had managed to break two of his ribs in the fight and he had come extremely close to breaking his nose also. It was going to take around six weeks to two months for her son's bones to heal and thinking about how expensive the hospital appointments were going to be turned her stomach. How was she supposed to afford to feed her children?

She wasn't going to have a penny to her name by the time she had finished paying all of the medical bills.

'What a mess…' She whispered while lifting her hand to her son's face so that she could stroke the bruise next to his eye which she knew would be a full-on shiner the next morning. Even though he had been the one to go out and almost get himself killed, she just couldn't bring herself to be mad at him for the situation she was in. Everything he had done that morning had been out of the deep love he had for Grace. The thought of anyone coming near either of his baby sisters with the intention of hurting or upsetting them had always infuriated him, and so it didn't surprise her that he'd gone into a blind rage. As far as she was concerned, he was the best big brother in the world to Grace and Lily and she knew in her heart that both of the girls would only adore him more the older they got. 'I love you so much, my beautiful boy.' She whispered against his temple before kissing him there.

Deciding that it would be easier for him to get some much-needed rest if he were left alone, she removed his arm from around her after a couple of minutes and began to wiggle her arm out from underneath him so that his head landed on his pillows. 'M…mum?' He mumbled groggily as he stirred at the loss of her embrace when she sat up, his eyes flickering open a little before he looked up at her and she stroked his face. 'Where are you going?'

'You need to rest, darling, so I'm going to leave you be,' She explained. 'I'm right downstairs if you need me, though.'

'Can you open the window a little before you leave, please? I…I just feel a little hot.' He told her as she rose from the edge of the bed.

She couldn't help but smile while brushing his hair out of his face. 'Of course.'

She then padded across the dark bedroom to the window on the opposite side and pushed it open just enough to let the light breeze enter the room. 'Try to get some rest, my love, all right?' She looked at him from the end of his bed after coming away from the opened window. 'Your body needs it.'

'All right, mum,' He replied. 'Goodnight.'

'Goodnight, Jack,' She swiftly made her way over to his bedroom door before opening it and looking over her shoulder at him a final time. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' He sighed.

And, with that, she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her before heading down the stairs and out into the garden so that she could get some air and clear her head. She ran a hand through her hair after closing the front door behind her and began to walk over to the bench on the grass, tears blurring her vision as she lowered herself down onto it before allowing her head to fall into her hands. Why did everything have to be so difficult all the time? It truly seemed as though it had been one thing after another for her and her children since her husband's death and she was beginning to think that she would never know true happiness again. Yes, she had John these days and he made her happier than she could explain, but it felt like the universe was constantly trying to counteract that happiness and she was so tired. She didn't feel as though she could take much more.

'Anna?' She lifted her head wearily at the sound of her name and felt a surge of delight and relief course through her when her gaze landed on John.

She wasted no time in rising from the bench and walking over to the gate, and as soon as she was out in the street with him she laced her arms tight around his waist and hid her face in his chest. She tried her hardest to control her breathing and keep the tears in her eyes from escaping while he held her tight to him, but when she felt him press his lips to the top of her head and run his hand along her back she allowed herself to dissolve into body-wracking sobs. This was the first time she had ever truly cried in front of him and even though she felt quite embarrassed, the way his hold of her tightened made her feel so adored and protected. 'Sweetheart…' She heard him sigh somewhere above her head as she clung desperately to him.

'I…I don't think I can do this anymore,' She choked through her sobs. 'I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own, but it's just too difficult!'

John cradled the back of her head in his hand and shushed her comfortingly as her tears seeped through his shirt and glued the material to his skin. 'You don't have to handle any of this alone for a minute longer, my darling,' He told her with a shake of his head. 'I'm here now and I'm not planning on going anywhere. Whatever you and the children need, regardless of the time of day or how busy I may be, I'm always going to be here for all of you.'

Moments later, once he had stopped talking, Anna tilted her head back on his chest and looked at him through wet eyes. 'I need you to do something.'

'Just name it…' He pressed his forehead against hers.

'I need you to kiss me,' She brought one hand to the side of his neck and sniffed at the feeling of his hands coming to settle on her hips through her dress. 'I haven't been able to feel certain about anything today, but if there's one thing I'm certain about at this moment in time then…then it's that I love you and all I want is to be with you…' She fell silent then and rose up onto her tiptoes to catch him in a kiss that was long and tender, her hand venturing around to the back of his neck so that she could play with his hair when he brought her flush against him and started to return her kisses. It didn't take long for them to become caught up in one another and their closeness, and in no time at all, they were aware of nothing but each other.

Not even the fact that a twelve-year-old boy above them had just thrown his curtains closed and returned to his bed feeling nothing but betrayed…

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all for taking the time to read this chapter and I hope that you found it an enjoyable one! I do apologise that this chapter wasn't the happiest, but the next one will contain much more Banna fluff, I promise! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter with a review because I truly love reading them and finding out what you think of this fic. I'll see you all soon! x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for coming back and I really hope that you like this chapter! Happy reading x**

* * *

The deep ache in his ribs intensified and caused Jack to clutch his side as he reached for the photograph that stood on the nightstand next to his bed, his face twisting into a grimace as he forbade himself to curse through gritted teeth before easing himself back into his pillows again. He sat there in silence for a time after that, taking deep breaths in an attempt to control the pain, and once it had settled a little he looked down at the photograph in his hands and felt a lump come to his throat. There were countless photographs of him and Grace with their parents dotted around the cottage, but he had always loved this one. It was a photograph of the four of them on Grace's first birthday and the smiles on their faces showed how content their family had been.

In the black-and-white image, his mother was holding him in her lap and his father was holding Grace – who had had cake all around her mouth – in his own and the two of them were wreathed in smiles as they gazed into each other's eyes. He doubted that he and his sister could have had a more perfect upbringing. Their parents had loved them – as well as one another – with all their heart and soul and had worked their fingers to the bone to make sure that neither of them had wanted for anything. Even though he had always complained whenever he'd stumbled upon them kissing or cuddled up on the sofa, these days he would give up anything if it meant he could go back in time to the time when his father had been the only man his mother had loved.

To the time when this Mr. Bates hadn't mattered to her in the slightest.

Just thinking about how he had caught him with his hands on his mother last night made him feel sick to his stomach and he wanted nothing more than to rid the image of them kissing from his mind. He realised, however, that he couldn't pin all of the blame on him. He didn't like him one bit and he most definitely didn't like the thought of him being anywhere near his mother, but he couldn't deny that he was just as – if not more – annoyed with her as he was with him. The fact that she had been the one to kiss him when the two of them had been stood together made it obvious that this had been going on for some time and that angered him. She had found another man to fill the void in her heart and welcomed him into her life without even talking to him.

She hadn't even tried to sit down with him and Grace and ask if the two of them were comfortable with the idea.

He understood that she was a grown woman and she was entitled to make decisions about her life without the permission of her children, but he would have thought that she would want to include them both in her decision since it would have an effect on their lives as well as hers. The two of them were still grieving for their father and, even though he couldn't speak for Grace, he for one didn't feel as though he had healed enough to let another man into his life. Some small part of him did sympathise with his mother – she had been so lonely and heartbroken since the death of his father and the prospect of loving and being loved again no doubt filled her with the happiness that she had been craving – but he couldn't see himself coming 'round to the idea.

Mr. Bates, in his opinion, was much too old for her and he doubted that he would have what it took to help to raise him and his sisters.

Sure, he might promise her the world and tell her that he would love him and his sisters as though the three of them were his own, but no-one could see into the future. If things became difficult a couple of months down the line and he, Grace and Lily failed to warm up to him then there was a chance he'd chuck in the towel. He could tell his mother that there was no point in pursuing a relationship with her if her children didn't like him and then he would leave and break her heart all over again. His mother had been unable to find the strength to get out of bed for almost a week after the men from the war office had come knocking, and every time he had gone to check on her or take meals to her there'd been no sign of life in her eyes. She had been broken.

The pummelling he had received from Vincent had been less painful than the thought of seeing her in that state again.

Just as his eyes began to fill with tears at the thought of his mother having her heart broken a second time, the soft creak of his bedroom door made him look up and he blinked the tears away just as his mother entered the room with Lily on her hip and his medication in a cup. 'Look who's awake, Lils,' He heard her croon to his little sister as she padded over to the bed before sitting down on the edge and placing his medication on the nightstand. Once she had slid Lily's pacifier into her mouth and sat her in her lap, she laid her hand on his cheek but he didn't nuzzle her palm as he usually did and when her brow creased he knew she could sense that something was off. 'Sweetheart, is everything all right?' She asked in a soft voice while looking into his eyes.

'Of course, mum,' He lied with a nod. 'Why wouldn't it be?'

He wouldn't confront her about what he had seen the night before.

He wanted her to find it in her heart to tell him about Mr. Bates without any prompting from him.

'It's just…' She paused. 'You just don't seem yourself.'

He shook his head, brushing off her concerns. 'I didn't get much sleep last night and the medication isn't doing much. I'll be all right once I've rested up.'

'I could wring Vincent's neck for what he put you through,' She whimpered. 'I might not have pressed charges, darling, but…but that doesn't mean that..'

'No,' He replied. 'I'd rather not go to the police, mum, and if it came to light that I started the fight then nothing would be done. I'm to blame for this.'

Anna looked at him in silence for a moment. 'I never want to hear those words come from you again, do you understand?'

'It's true,' He reminded her before gasping as pain shot through his ribs when he tried to make himself a bit more comfortable. 'I asked Vincent to fight.'

'You might have asked him for a fight, Jack, but Vincent should never have given you one,' She sighed. 'You are twelve years old and he's nearly an adult, and he knows full well that under no circumstances is it acceptable for an adult to ever treat a child in the way he treated you. He should have acted like an adult and walked away but, instead, he decided to…he decided to do unspeakable things to you until you were barely conscious. I don't doubt for one moment that he wouldn't have stopped if Mr. Davison and I hadn't gotten there, either, and I dread to think what he would have ended up doing to you.'

The walls that Jack had put up the moment his mother had entered the room started to crumble somewhat when he saw the pain in her eyes, and he let out a deep sigh as he laid his hand over hers on his cheek. 'It's all right, mum,' He soothed while running his thumb across the back of her hand. 'You got there in time and there's no point in getting upset about something that hasn't happened. I might have some broken ribs and bruises, but neither one of those things are permanent and I'm going to be fine because I have the best nurse in the world.' He gave her a small smile before sighing when her hand moved around to the back of his head and she slid her fingers through the cropped blonde hair that she discovered there, sheer love for him in her eyes.

'You don't know how much you mean to me, Jack.' Her voice trembled as her eyes swam with tears.

'I do, mum, you never stop telling me.' He teased.

She smirked but shook her head. 'I've, um…I've never told you or your sister about this before, but I had a miscarriage before falling pregnant with you. I lost the baby so soon after getting pregnant that I hadn't even known about it, but I was still heartbroken,' She told him. 'When the doctor told me that I was pregnant with you at an appointment not too long after the loss I wanted to be excited, but I was so scared that it was going to happen again and I would never get the chance to hold you. It wasn't until I felt you kick for the first time a couple of months later that I realised that you were far stronger and healthier than my first baby, and that's when I started thinking about what you were going to come out looking like and what personality you were going to grow up with. I have loved you with everything I am from the moment I learned that you existed, and I've always seen you as my miracle baby.'

'You have?' His voice was filled with emotion.

She nodded and leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead. 'You can tower above me all you like, but you are always going to be my little boy.'

The two of them shared a smile when she pressed her forehead against his for a second before she peeled back and readjusted Lily in her lap with a sigh. Jack felt a wave of guilt hit him as he watched her nuzzle a kiss into the curls on his sister's head. She had spent the past couple of minutes talking about the depth of her love for him, whereas just a short while ago he had been thinking about how annoyed he was with her for what she had done last night. He had been so selfish. She had worked so hard over the course of the past six months, trying her best to make ends meet while doing everything in her power to bring as much happiness back into his and Grace's lives as possible. How dare he moan about her seeking to find a little happiness for herself?

He needed to tell her about what he had seen.

The thought of her being with Mr. Bates still left him feeling rather uncomfortable and he didn't even want to think about the more…_private…_aspects of her relationship with him, but she was genuinely happy for the first time in months and even his father had said that she was free to love again if she so wished. She was entitled to some happiness after the terrible time she had had, even he could see that, and he wouldn't be the one to take that from her. 'Mum…' His heart began to pound and his palms began to sweat, his nervousness increasing when his mother met his gaze and gave him a tender smile. 'There's…there's something that I need to tell you...' A concerned expression crossed her face and that only caused the knot in his stomach to tighten up.

'Go on…' She encouraged.

He took a second to compose himself before taking a deep breath and blurting out: 'I know that Mr. Bates was here last night. I…I also saw you kiss him.'

All of the colour drained from her face in an instant and when he noticed that her eyes had filled with tears and her bottom lip was trembling a little, his heart ached. 'I didn't mean to see anything, mum, honest! I only got out of bed so that I could close the curtains and that was when I saw the two of you.'

Soft tears were trickling down Anna's cheeks at this point and she had to clear her throat in order to respond. 'It's my own fault. I should have told you.'

'What made you think that you couldn't?' He inquired.

She shrugged. 'I was scared and…and confused. I was developing feelings for him – feelings that I hadn't felt since your father was killed – and I…I loved knowing that he found me attractive and wanted to have me in his life. Jack, before I met him I didn't feel beautiful and I thought I'd been given one shot at love and that was it. He's helped me to realise that I am the kind of woman that a man can look at and see something in, though, and he makes me feel so beautiful when I'm with him. I wanted to sit down with you and Grace and have a proper talk about all of this from the start, darling, but I was scared that you would disapprove. I hate myself for feeling like that, though, because this is a decision that involves you just as much as it does Mr. Bates and I.'

'It just feels a little strange…' He admitted. 'It's hard to think about you loving someone who isn't dad.'

'I understand that,' She reassured him. 'When I first started to have feelings for Mr. Bates, I felt such guilt because I had sworn that I wouldn't let myself fall in love again. There were times when I would feel as though I was turning my back on your father and betraying him, but then his voice would come into my head and he would make me see that I was being much too hard on myself. He would reassure me that, even if I allowed myself to love again, he knows that I'll love him just as much and that I'll never forget him or the sacrifices he made for me. I am in love with Mr. Bates, Jack, I won't pretend I'm not, but you and your sisters will always come first. I'll put an end to all of this right this minute if the thought makes you uncomfortable, I promise you.'

Even though he could tell that she was doing her best to hide it, he could see the sadness in her eyes at the thought of breaking things off with Mr. Bates and feeling as though she was all alone in the world again. He couldn't ask her to do that, not when she had sacrificed so much for him and his sisters in the past, and so he slid his hand into hers and smiled. 'I haven't seen you smile so much since dad passed,' He admitted. 'I might not be 100% sure about Mr. Bates as of yet, but I swear that I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and be civil with him whenever he's around. You deserve to be happy.'

The relief was evident on his mother's face. 'Do you mean that? I don't want you saying that just to please me, I want you to mean it with all your heart.'

'I do, I promise,' He squeezed her hand. 'I just want you to be aware of something.'

She cocked her head to one side. 'And what's that?'

'He'll have me to answer to if he does anything to hurt you.' He told her, the look on his face telling her that he was serious.

'That ought to keep him in line,' She winked before releasing his hand and stroking his cheek with the back of hers. 'Oh, I love you.'

'I love you too.' He smiled, a soft groan escaping him just seconds later when he yawned and his ribs throbbed in protest.

Anna frowned and reached for the cup that contained his pills. 'Get these down you and get some sleep. I'll bring you up a bite to eat around lunchtime.'

Once he had accepted the pills from her and taken his glass of water from the nightstand to wash them down, she got up from the bed and balanced Lily on her hip before carrying her little girl across the bedroom to the door. Before she could open it, however, Jack called for her and so she turned back to him and revelled in the smile that he gave her as he made himself comfortable beneath his blanket. 'Thank you for taking such good care of me.' He said.

'I'm your mother, it's part of the job description,' She smirked. 'But you're very welcome, precious. Now, try and get some sleep.'

He gave her a mute nod in response before watching her walk out of the bedroom and, once he was alone, sighing to himself as he let his eyes fall closed and attempted to settle down. He still wasn't comfortable with the idea of Mr. Bates being around all of the time and getting too close to his mother, but he had promised her that he was going to at least attempt to get on with the man and be as civil as he humanly could with him, and so that was his goal.

His mother deserved to finally have some happiness.

And he wasn't going to let anything or anyone stand in the way of that.

* * *

The sound of her little girl's congested snores made Anna frown as she laid with her on her chest on the sofa after kissing Grace goodnight and ensuring that Jack had enough medication to last him the night, her fingers teasing the fair curls at the nape of her neck as her forehead was pressed against hers and she grazed her button nose with her own. It had been obvious that she had been coming down with something over the past couple of days, but she hadn't quite known what it was. All she had known was that she'd had a very irritable nine-month-old who had been napping more than usual, refusing to nurse or accept a bottle, and screamed if she had dared to put her down for a second so that she could use the bathroom or make herself a cup of tea.

She had been so worried about her and spent the past three nights just watching her while she'd slept, but that afternoon she had managed to convince herself that all she had was a little cold and would be right as rain again in a matter of days. Of course, her daughter falling ill had been the last thing she had needed since she already had Jack to be taking care of, but it couldn't be helped and she had to admit that she was loving all of these sleepy cuddles. Just as she pressed her lips to Lily's forehead and breathed in the smell of the shampoo she'd used to wash her hair earlier that night, she heard a knock on the front door and was instantly confused. It was almost nine o'clock at night and she was positive that she wasn't expecting anyone at such an hour.

Nevertheless, she pushed herself up into a sitting position with her little girl in her arms and hushed her when she whimpered in her sleep as she stood from the sofa. She breathed a sigh of relief when Lily settled against her again and curled her little fingers into her dress, and once she had snugged her closer to her chest and rested her chin atop her head she began to walk out of the sitting room. It didn't take long for her to walk down the hall and take the key to the front door from the hook, and the moment she unlocked and opened the door her face lit up. She hadn't been expecting him at all, but she was so delighted to see John standing on her doorstep. 'This is a nice surprise,' She kept her voice light so not to wake her baby. 'I wasn't expecting you.'

He chuckled as he took a step closer to her and rested a hand on her waist through her blouse, the two of them sharing a smile before he stooped to kiss her and she tilted her head back to meet his lips. She hummed in satisfaction as their kiss lingered for a time and he brushed his thumb against her side, a soft blush blooming in her cheeks as the smack of their lips echoed in the silence of the night when he brought their kiss to an end. 'His Lordship went to bed after leaving the dining room tonight, so I decided to take advantage of that and come and check on you. I could tell that you weren't the happiest when I left last night, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I got back to Downton.' He felt his heart race when a smile graced her lips.

'Come inside out of the cold,' She told him. 'I'll lie this little one on the sofa and then I'll make us both some tea so that we can have a talk.'

'I won't object to that.' He admitted before entering the little cottage when she moved to one side.

Once she had closed the door behind him and stepped past him with her daughter still asleep in her arms, the two of them walked back down the hall to the sitting room before heading inside so that she could settle Lily on the sofa. It didn't take too long for her to accomplish that and, once she had placed a cushion beside her to keep her from tumbling off and hurting herself, she approached John and stroked his arm before leaving the room with him and leading him further down the hall to the quaint kitchen. 'Peace at last…' She smirked over her shoulder at him while heading for the stove once they had entered the room, a smile on her lips as she took the kettle and filled it with water before returning it to the stove and igniting the flame so it could boil.

It was then that she heard the sound of quiet footsteps approaching from behind and her heart began to flutter in her chest, and she was unable to keep herself from shivering at the feeling of John's breath on the back of her neck when he stopped at her back and brought his hands to her waist. She stood in silence as he stroked her waist through her blouse for a time, but the longing to have his arms around her soon became too deep to ignore and so she covered his hands with her own and pulled his arms around her middle. The two of them laced their fingers together once their hands had come to rest on her stomach and Anna's eyes fell shut when John kissed the side of her head, the two of them sharing a smile when she leaned back against his chest.

'Jack knows about us…' She whispered while he played with her fingers.

'You managed to speak to him, then?' He asked.

She shook her head. 'I wasn't planning on telling him about us just yet, but this morning he told me that he'd seen us kissing when he got up to close the curtains last night. I…I honestly thought he was going to lose his temper with me, but he was so mature about it and he ended up giving us his blessing.'

'He did?' He seemed to be just as relieved as she had been while speaking with her son that morning.

She nodded. 'I should warn you, though, that he made it quite clear that he won't hesitate to hunt you down if you do anything to hurt me.'

'I'm not too worried about that.' He tightened his hold of her.

'Oh?' She replied. 'And why's that?'

He brushed the tip of her nose with his. 'Because I love you far too much to ever do a thing to hurt you.'

'That's good to hear…' She reached back with one hand and rested it on the side of his neck so that she could pull him down into a light and languid kiss.

For the next couple of minutes, while waiting for the kettle to boil, the two of them remained in their perfect little embrace and felt the rest of the world begin to fade into nothingness. As expected, though, the whistle of the kettle prompted Anna to break the kiss and remove it from the stove lest it rouse her little girl in the sitting room. She had always been such a light sleeper and the last thing she wanted was for her to throw a tantrum because she had been put down. 'Go and sit at the table while I make these drinks,' She laughed as John refused to take his hand off of her back while she moved to stand at the counter to prepare the tea. 'You're acting as though I'm going to vanish into thin air if you do, and I can assure you that that isn't going to happen.'

'I'd rather not risk it,' He smirked with a kiss to her cheek before chuckling when she gave him the stare he'd once seen her give Grace. 'Okay, I'm going!'

Once he had done as he was told and sat down at the kitchen table it took minutes for her to make their tea and walk over to the table, and once she had sat down next to him she let him take her hand in his and run his thumb across her knuckles. 'I…I think I might have convinced Edward that he can rest in peace this afternoon…' She told him in a quiet voice. 'I visited his grave while Grace was out with her friends and I told him that he doesn't have to be worried about me anymore. Whenever I have a problem, he always comes into my head and helps me find a way to resolve it, and that was something I didn't want for him. I felt that I had to prove to him that I'm going to be okay, so I told him about you and how you brought happiness back into my life.'

John smiled at her. 'Do you think it worked?'

'I hope so,' She looked into his eyes. 'He worried about me more than was good for him when he was alive and I don't want the same for him in death.'

'You are a wonder, Anna Miller,' He shook his head while reaching out with his spare hand to stroke her cheek. 'An absolute wonder.'

She leaned into his caress before lifting her teacup to her lips and taking a sip of tea. 'I haven't managed to speak to Gra…'

Just as she began to tell him that she hadn't managed to talk to Grace about their relationship due to not having the time, the sound of bare feet padding down the hall reached her ears and the two of them shared a knowing smile. Speak of the devil. When Grace wandered into the kitchen she was holding her rag-doll and didn't look tired in the slightest. 'Gracie, what are you doing out of bed? You know the rules – when I put you to bed I expect you to stay there unless you're feeling unwell or need to use the bathroom.' She said once her eldest daughter had come to stand between her and John at the table.

'I tried and tried to go to sleep, mummy, but I'm just not tired!' Grace sighed. 'Can I have some warm milk? That might help!'

'I'll make you some warm milk on one condition. You take it back to bed and don't come down again tonight.' Anna replied.

Grace nodded. 'I promise!'

She then waited for her mother to slide her hand out of John's and leave the table, and once she had climbed onto the chair that she had just vacated she shared a smile with the man she had grown quite fond of over the past couple of weeks. 'Mr. Bates?' She tilted her head to one side as she looked at him.

'Yes, Grace?' John hummed before sipping at his tea.

'Why were you and mummy just holding hands?' She asked with inquisitiveness sparkling in her gentle brown eyes. 'Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?'

John felt his cheeks burn as he set down his teacup and when he turned to Anna he realised that she was staring at him with burning cheeks of her own.

'Well, I…I, um…' He stumbled over his words.

'Well, sweetheart, that's what the two of us were wanting to talk to you about,' Anna spoke for him as she returned to the table after managing to collect her thoughts, and after easing Grace out of the chair so that she could sit down she brought her into her lap and wrapped both arms around her middle. 'You know that Mr. Bates and I have been friends for quite some time now, don't you?' She looked her little girl in the eye and brushed a black curl back beneath her ear when she nodded in response. 'Well, we've been talking and…and we've decided that we might like to be a little more than just friends.'

Grace attempted to make sense of what her mother had just told her. 'You want to be best friends?'

Anna and John shared a smile at the girl's innocence.

'Grace,' He took the lead. 'What mummy and I mean is that we…we love each other.'

The surprise was evident on Grace's face as she looked up at her mother for a moment. 'You do?'

'Yes, princess, we love each other very much,' Anna revealed. 'We want to start seeing more of each other, too, but we want you to be all right with that.'

'We do, indeed,' John agreed. 'This is a big decision and involves you, Jack and Lily just as much as it involves me and your mummy.'

Grace sat in silence in her mother's lap for a short time after that, processing everything that she had been told while playing with her hands, before she lifted her head and gave John a smile as she met his gaze. 'I like the idea,' She admitted which caused both him and her mother to breathe sighs of relief. 'I miss having a daddy to give me snuggles and read to me when I'm sad or not feeling very well, and you'll be like my new daddy, Mr. Bates, won't you?'

'I can be whatever you want me to be, sweetheart,' He reassured her. 'You, Jack and Lily are just as special to me as your mummy is, I promise you that.'

When her little girl rested her head on her chest and grasped the front of her blouse in her hand, Anna nuzzled a kiss onto her temple before looking up at John and feeling her breath hitch in her throat at the intense love she could see in his eyes. 'I love you so much…' She whispered as she took his hand.

'And I love you,' He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed the softest of kisses to the back of her palm. 'More than I could ever hope to tell you.'

* * *

It was nearing ten o'clock when John pushed open the door to Anna's bedroom and carried her inside while she slumbered in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder as her hand laid on his chest and he held her bridal style. He hadn't intended to be there for so long. He had thought that he would have a cup of tea with her and then walk back to Downton so that she could get some sleep, but once Grace had finished drinking her milk she had asked him to go and sit with her on the sofa for a while. He had agreed, of course, the thought of holding her in his arms far too perfect for him to pass on her offer, but he had underestimated just how exhausted she had been. In a matter of minutes, she'd fallen asleep on him and he hadn't had the heart to wake her.

He had sat with her for as long as he could after that, running his fingers through her hair and pressing the occasional kiss onto her forehead as she had snored, but time had passed far too fast and in no time at all it had been a quarter to ten. If he had started walking back to Downton when he'd seen the time, there was no doubt in his mind that he would have made it back with just enough time to sneak through the back door before it was locked for the evening. He hadn't wanted Anna and Lily to spend all night on the sofa, however, and so he had decided to move them both to the bedroom even though it meant that he'd be late home and have to face Mr. Carson's wrath. He found that he didn't care a lot about that, though. Anna would always come first.

The sound of her stirring in his arms pulled him from his thoughts and he hushed her as he carried her over to the bed in the middle of the room, a faint groan of pain escaping him as he had to hold her with one arm for a moment and bear both their weights on his bad knee while peeling back the covers. It wasn't long before he was setting her down on the bed and tucking her in, however, and once he had managed to convince himself that she was going to be comfortable he leaned down to kiss her hairline. 'Goodnight, sweetheart…' He mumbled against her skin before pulling back from her and turning to walk away from the bed, but before he had managed to take the smallest step he felt his hand being taken and turned back to see Anna gazing at him.

'Don't leave me…' She shook her head while looking up at him through half-lidded eyes. 'Please, I want you to hold me.'

With a sigh, he sat down on the bed and trailed a hand down her cheek. 'I can't, darling, what excuse would I give to Mr. Carson for being gone all night?'

'You'll think of something,' She shrugged as her eyes slid closed again. 'I…I just need you to be here with me tonight.'

He cursed himself half-heartedly for his inability to refuse her anything.

'Oh, all right,' He admitted defeat. 'I'll be back in a minute, I'll just head downstairs and see if I can get through to someone at Downton.'

She nodded her response with a hum, her eyes remaining closed as she rolled onto her side, and he couldn't help but chuckle at just how lovely she was.

What he had done to deserve the love of such a beautiful young woman he would never know, but he was going to strive to be worthy of it.

He smoothed his hand over her hair in a comforting fashion before standing from the bed and walking out of the room so that he could head back down to the ground floor and telephone Downton, rather a large yawn tearing itself free from his throat once he had picked up the telephone and asked to be contacted. 'Hello, this is Mr. Carson, the butler of Downton Abbey. To whom am I speaking?' Mr. Carson asked as he answered the phone sometime later.

'Mr. Carson, it's Mr. Bates,' John replied. 'I'm afraid I've made rather a foolish mistake and missed the last bus back to Downton tonight.'

Mr. Carson was silent for a time. 'What am I to do about dressing His Lordship in the morning?'

'There's no need to worry about that, I'll see to it that I'm back in time. I've found a bed and breakfast hotel, so I'll request a wake-up call.' John told him.

'Very well,' Mr. Carson grumbled on the other end of the line. 'I just want to be quite certain that this will never happen again, Mr. Bates.'

'You have my word.' John reassured him. 'Goodnight, Mr. Carson.'

'Goodnight.' Carson replied.

Once he had set the telephone down after his conversation with the butler, John smiled to himself and ran a hand through his hair before ascending the stairs once again and returning to Anna's bedroom. She was curled up on her side, facing Lily's cot, with her eyes closed and her hand settled beside her head on her pillow when he entered and he felt himself fall all the more in love with her. He closed the door behind him before padding across the room to the other side of the bed and sitting down, his eyes stinging with fatigue as he unlaced his shoes and removed them before ridding himself of his shirt and tie so that all he had on were his undershirt and trousers. 'You,' He crooned in Anna's ear after settling behind her. 'Are going to get me in trouble…'

The soft giggle that came from her warmed his heart and he sighed with happiness when she rolled onto her back and brushed her lips against his own. When the two of them parted from their chaste kiss he moved onto his back and opened his arms to her before she shuffled into them, his nose burying itself into the hair atop her head when she laid her head on his chest and draped his arm over her middle. 'I can't tell you how right this feels…' She said.

'Tell me about it…' He ran a hand along her back while staring up at the ceiling. 'Now, you're exhausted, and you need to get some sleep.'

She tilted her head back on his chest and gazed into his eyes. 'Promise you won't let go of me?'

'I'll never let go,' He shook his head before pressing one last kiss to her lips. 'That's one thing you can be certain of.'

She felt a wave of happiness wash over her as she snuggled into his side and settled in his arms. 'Goodnight, Mr. Bates.'

'John…' He whispered in her ear. 'Call me John.'

'All right…_John…_' Even though the word felt rather foreign on her tongue, she had to admit that saying his name made her smile. 'Goodnight, John.'

'Goodnight, Anna…' He mumbled into the darkness as his eyes fell closed and he tightened his hold of her. 'Pleasant dreams, my love.'

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading this chapter and I truly hope that you all liked it! Please let me know what you thought with a review and I'll see you all soon! x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I want to apologise for the wait for this chapter but I struggled a little with this one and so I took a break for a while! Inspiration finally came to me though, and this is the result so I hope that you all enjoy and happy reading!**

* * *

Anna couldn't keep the smile from her face when she turned her head in John's direction and watched him sleep while nursing her daughter a couple of hours later, the love she had for him evident in her eyes as she listened to him snore and watched his chest rise and fall in time with his breaths. He was perfect. As he had promised, he had still been holding her when she had woken up and she had been certain that there was no feeling more incredible than being nestled in his arms. He had been holding her so close, his lips resting against her temple and his hand pressed into the small of her back, and had her little girl not been in need of a feed she wouldn't have moved. Alas, she had remembered that he needed to be up for work at five o'clock and Lily disturbing his sleep had been the last thing she'd wanted to happen. She had to admit that she was rather glad of the chance to see him like this, though.

With his hair all unkempt and a contented expression written across his face.

Her little girl's fingers brushed against her after a time and when she turned her attention back to her she felt her heart start to race in her chest. From where she was settled in the cradle of her arms while she took her feed, Lily was gazing up at her through half-lidded blue eyes and the sparkle in them made her heart melt. If she had to choose one thing that she had loved the most about being a mother to her children, then it had been nursing the three of them. She and Edward had shared a lot of the responsibilities that had come with being parents back when Jack and Grace had been babies, but with both of them she had been the one in charge when it had come to feeds. Finding the perfect spot and making herself comfortable with them settled in her arms had been her favourite thing to do, and the feeling of them trying to cuddle as close to her as possible while nursing had been absolute bliss.

She could remember turning to Edward one night, a couple of months into her pregnancy, and telling him that she couldn't wait to give birth so that she could start nursing again. There had been no doubt in her mind that – even though it had been seven years since she had last had a newborn at the time – she was going to love nursing their next baby as much as she had loved nursing Grace and, as she brought her little girl closer and leaned down to kiss her forehead, she smiled at knowing she had been right. 'I see someone's appetite has started to come back,' She traced the smooth curve of Lily's cheek with the back of her palm and smiled when she let out the gentlest coo in response. 'Let's hope that that's a sign that you're on the mend, my sweet one.'

A short while later, when she felt the quilt shift and a deep sigh come from John as he shifted beside her, she looked in his direction again and a surge of warmth ran through her veins when his eyes flickered open. She could tell that he found it rather difficult to make sense of where he was for a moment, but when he smiled to himself and lifted his gaze to her she just had to smile back. 'Hi…' She whispered while cradling the back of her little girl's head in her hand and brushing her thumb against her fair curls, her gaze locking with his as he sat up beside her before she let him press a tired kiss to her lips. He put an arm around her shoulders and brushed his thumb against the soft skin of her arm once he'd pulled back from her, and just moments after she had snuggled into his side she felt her cheeks heat up. He had never seen her in such a state of undress before. She was almost completely bared to him.

Even though she tried her hardest to hide her embarrassment and burning cheeks from him, when he sighed and kissed her cheek she could tell that he had noticed. He removed his arm from around her shoulders some time later and pulled back the quilt before sliding out of bed, and she was somewhat confused for a moment before she realised what he was doing and she felt a lump come to her throat. He was walking over to the armchair on the other side of the room to get the soft blanket that was folded over the back of it. He was going to cover her up so that she could regain a sense of modesty and wouldn't have to feel so exposed. 'Lean forward a little,' He told her once he had returned to the bed with the blanket and she did as he'd asked, hushing Lily faintly when she whimpered at the disturbance before he draped one end of the blanket over her shoulder. 'All right, you can lean back again now.'

It took no time at all for him to adjust the blanket so that it was covering both her and her daughter after she had gotten comfortable again, and as soon as he was done he laid his hand on her cheek and made her look at him. 'You are so beautiful…' He shook his head while brushing his thumb against her skin. 'I never want you to feel embarrassed to nurse in front of me, darling, because it's natural and I understand that it's something that you have to do. When she needs feeding, she needs feeding, and there are bound to be times in the future when we're together and she needs you to give her a feed too. It's just a part of life and it's a part that I respect.' He could see tears in her eyes as he cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand, the two of them sharing a smile before he slid his hand around to the back of her head and brushed his fingers against her hair while leaning in to capture her in the softest kiss.

He slid back beneath the quilt and put his arm around her shoulders again once their kiss had broken, and when she leaned against his chest he nuzzled his nose against the hairs at the side of her head and smiled as he watched her continue to feed her little girl. Intense love lived in her eyes as she pulled Lily closer to her chest and patted the small of her back through her nightgown, and it was more than obvious to him that she just loved being a mother. For as long as he had known her, whenever she had spoken about her children her eyes had lit up and the most beautiful smile had graced her features. The three of them were her world, he didn't doubt that for a moment, and he was certain that he would come to love them almost as much as she did as time passed. He already had quite a bond with little Grace and he wasn't too worried about bonding with Lily, but he knew it would be harder with Jack.

Jack was much older than his sisters and Anna had told him countless times that he and his father had been inseparable.

The two of them had been more like close friends than father and son before Edward's passing and he knew that it would be hard for him to accept him.

'Stop,' He heard Anna tut before she tilted her head back on his shoulder and looked at him. 'Stop with all this brooding.'

He chuckled. 'How did you know I was brooding?'

'I told you that Edward worried about me all the time,' She reminded him. 'He was constantly brooding, so you could say I have a sixth sense for it now.'

He tightened his hold of her and sighed. 'I want Jack to like me. He doesn't have to think of me as a father like Grace does, but I'd like us to be friends.'

'You will be, I promise, it's just going to take some time,' She reassured him. 'You have to remember that all of this is a bit harder for him than for Grace, sweetheart, because he was eight when Edward left to fight and she was three. She remembers little bits about Edward and there are a couple of things that I've told her about him, but she didn't have as much time to bond with him as Jack had and that's part of the reason why she accepted the idea of us being together easier than he did. He thought that his dad and I would be together until the end of time, and so it's hard for him to accept that I've fallen in love again and want to move on. You'll find common ground at one point, though, I just know it. You just have to have a little patience with him, John.'

He lifted his hand to her face before smiling as he swept her hair tenderly back behind her ear. 'I'll be patient with him for as long as he needs me to be.'

'Thank you,' She whispered, her eyes falling closed when he placed a kiss on her forehead. 'I still can't believe that this is happening.'

'Believe, Anna,' He encouraged. 'You've had to muddle through on your own for far longer than you should have, but you don't have to do that anymore.'

She smiled. 'I don't, do I?'

'No,' He shook his head. 'You never have to do anything alone again.'

Rather than answering him with words, she settled for pressing her face into the side of his neck and kissing him there before she inhaled his scent and looked down at her little girl again. Knowing that Lily would always have a father figure in her life made her feel happier than she could put into words. Yes, John wasn't her biological father and it wasn't his name on her birth documents, but he would be her father where it counted. He would protect her from the world and the evil in it, and she was positive that he would never let her doubt how much she meant to him. A thought that warmed her heart. She left her thoughts when she realised that her daughter's sucks had become rather irregular after a couple of minutes, and she couldn't help but smile at seeing that she had fallen asleep on her chest. 'I have a feeling she might be finished.' She laughed softly when she looked up at John and met his gaze.

The two of them shared a smile before she eased her little girl back from her chest and pulled her slip's strap back up her arm, her hand coming to rest on the back of her head as she left John's embrace and shuffled closer to the cot so that she could lie her down. She then eased a little curl out of her face before placing her blankie down next to her and taking a moment to watch her rest. She was perfection personified. When she moved back from the cot she decided to rid herself of the blouse and skirt she had fallen asleep in so that all she had on was her slip, and when John put his arms around her and brought her to lie down beside him again she laid a hand on the side of his neck and brushed her nose against his. 'You should go back to sleep,' She told him as she looked into his eyes and felt him stroke the small of her back. 'You have to be up again in about four hours and you're going to be exhausted.'

'I will in a minute,' He chuckled. 'But there's something I wanted to speak to you about first.'

She nodded. 'Go on.'

'How would you feel about…about coming to work at Downton with me?' He asked while pulling her further into his warmth.

She stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, not quite believing what he had just proposed.

'I…I don't understand,' She stammered once she had managed to find her voice again. 'Me? Come to work at Downton?'

'Let me explain,' He said. 'His Lordship's eldest daughter is due to be married in just over a month and this morning I heard Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes talking about how she's planning to put out an advertisement for a lady's maid. You once told me that you had a position at Skelton Park before you and Edward were wed, and so I found Mrs. Hughes this afternoon and told her that I had someone in mind who might be suitable for the position. I said that I would speak to you about it and then get back to her so that she could talk to Lady Mary about arranging an interview. It was just an idea, sweetheart.'

The smile that spread across her lips caused a surge of relief to course through him as it reassured him that she didn't think he'd overstepped the mark.

'It's a nice thought,' She stroked the hairs at the side of his head with her fingers. 'But I was just a housemaid at Skelton Park, I doubt she'd consider me.'

'You were head housemaid,' He corrected her. 'If the Skelton's had had a daughter then it would have been down to you to get her dressed, wouldn't it?'

She hummed in response. 'I believe so.'

'Being head housemaid means that you have some experience, Anna, and the fact that you can make such beautiful dresses for Grace and shape her hair so well is another good sign. You would make the perfect maid, I'm certain of it, but there's no pressure. As I said, it was just a bit of an idea that I had.' He kept her close with the hand on her back while bringing his spare hand up to stroke her hair, nothing but love for her in his eyes as he looked at her.

Once she had looked at him in silence for a couple of seconds, she let her gaze fall to his chest and sighed as she began to think about all that he had just said. He had been right when he had said that she would have been responsible for the dressing of the daughter of the Skelton's should there have been one, and even though she didn't like to brag she had to admit that she was rather up-to-date with the latest fashions due to having a little girl who loved having hair like the women in magazines. Serving at Downton would also mean that she would no longer have to spend her nights singing in a room full of drunken men who, and she would never utter a word of this to John, would on occasion make unwanted advances. His plan hadn't a single downside. She couldn't be certain that she would be given the job if she went to the interview, but one thing that she was certain about was that she needed to try.

For her children's sakes if not for her own.

She looked up at John again after making the decision and she could tell that the look on her face had made it clear to him that she had made her choice. 'I'm sick to death of the children being worried about where their next meal is going to come from,' She admitted. 'I thought that things would be a little easier once Jack started his paper round, but even with two incomes I'm finding it harder and harder to feed them. If I take this job at Downton, then he won't have to stress about his paper round anymore and I'll be making more money in one week than I do in a month at the moment,' She stopped for a second and moved closer to him beneath the covers before resting a hand on his chest and kissing his lips. 'I'll also get to spend far more time with you.'

He chuckled. 'That's rather a nice thought.'

'It is, isn't it?' She settled in his embrace.

For a time after that, the two of them laid together in comfortable silence and listened to the ticking of the alarm clock on her nightstand while she ran her thumb across the skin at the side of his neck and revelled in the closeness she shared with him. It wasn't long before tiredness began to creep up on her again, though, and she let her hand leave his neck so that she could wrap an arm around his waist and cuddle closer to his chest to steal his warmth. 'Go back to sleep.' She heard John whisper while her fingertips roamed along the expanse of his lower back through the undershirt that he was wearing.

'I am…' She mumbled, eyes closed as her face was hidden in his chest and she could feel it rise and fall.

He tightened his hold of her while leaning over her to turn down the oil lamp on her nightstand, his chin finding the top of her head as he settled next to her once the room had been plunged into darkness. She was fast asleep again in less than ten minutes, her soft and relaxed breathing making him smile as he listened and stroked the curls that cascaded down her back. He would give anything to be able to spend every night for the rest of his life like this. There was just something about holding her in his arms while she slept that felt so wonderful, and he felt like the luckiest man on earth in that moment.

If he wasn't so exhausted himself then he would have stayed awake all night just to make the most of the time he had with her, but his eyes soon started to burn with fatigue and he realised that he had to get some more sleep if he wasn't going to get back to Downton looking half-dead in a couple of hours. He allowed himself a minute-or-two to reassure himself that she was both warm and comfortable enough before closing his eyes, a sigh of contentment escaping him as he buried his nose in his hair and kissed her crown just moments before he started to feel himself drifting back into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

John opened his eyes and frowned when he reached out to lace an arm around Anna's middle and all that his hand came into contact with was the quilt. For a while, as he looked at the clock on her nightstand and ran his hand through his tousled hair, he didn't have a clue about what her motive for being out of bed at half-past four in the morning could be. Lily was still fast asleep on her stomach in her cot, so it was clear that it had nothing to do with her.

That was when he smelled it.

Bacon.

She was in the kitchen, at this hour, cooking his breakfast.

'She must be mad,' He said to himself with a shake of his head before pulling back the quilt and getting out of bed, a sigh escaping him as he walked over to his cane and took hold of it so that he could leave the bedroom and head downstairs. It was freezing on the ground floor since there was no fire going in the sitting room and he couldn't believe that she was mad enough to stand down there just so she could make him breakfast. He tried his best to keep his footsteps quiet as he approached the kitchen, but the tap of his cane on the tiles made her look over her shoulder at him the moment he walked into the room and her smirk made him chuckle. 'You are mental. Has anyone ever told you that?' He asked when she turned back to the stove and he walked up behind her before leaning his cane against the kitchen side, his hands finding her waist as he kissed the back of her neck and sighed against her skin.

'What's mental about wanting to make the man I love breakfast before he has to go to work?' She leaned back against his chest and looked into his eyes, a smile spreading across her face as his arms started to slide around her middle and she let her eyes drift closed just as he brushed his lips against hers.

'No, there's nothing mental about that,' He agreed while resting his chin on her shoulder once their kiss had ended. 'What's mental is that you're making breakfast for me in a freezing cold kitchen at half-past four in the morning after getting about four hours of sleep last night. You have remembered that there are two little girls sleeping above us who are going to be demanding your attention from the moment they wake up, sweetheart, haven't you? You have remembered that you have to go back to work again tonight?' He tightened his hold of her when she turned to him with another one of her smirks.

'Mmm-hmm,' She reassured him. 'But knowing those things won't keep me from making sure that you leave this house with something in your stomach.'

He looked at her in silence for a time before pressing his lips to her cheek and mumbling: 'You mean the world to me, you know that?'

'Yes, I do, and you mean just as much to me,' She replied, rising onto her tiptoes to peck at his lips. 'Go and sit down and I'll bring this over in a moment.'

Ignoring her command, he buried his nose in the dip between her neck and shoulder before kissing her there. 'Do I have to? I'd much rather stand here.'

She tutted and turned down the flame on the stove before putting the spatula down on the kitchen side and turning in his arms, the two of them sharing a smile as she laid one hand on the side of his neck and directed him into a kiss. It was soft and languid when it started, no different to the ones they had shared in the past, but she began to feel rather bold after a time and so she swept her tongue across his bottom lip in a silent request to deepen the kiss. His breath hitched in the back of his throat, an indication that he hadn't been expecting her to make such a move, but when his hand came to rest on the back of her head and he parted his lips beneath hers she smiled against him. She had expected to be nervous the first time she shared such a passionate kiss with him, but as she leaned into him and felt him brush his fingers through her tousled hair she realised that she didn't feel nervous in the slightest.

He moved his hands to her waist and brought her closer as he responded to her kisses and she rose up onto her tiptoes so that she could wrap her arms around his neck, their lips moving over one another's with the ease of old lovers as she stroked her thumb against the back of his neck and smiled when he hummed. It had been so long since she had been held and kissed in such a manner and she was positive that she could have remained in his arms for the rest of time should she have had the chance, but the need to catch her breath arose much too soon and so she peeled back from him with a soft sigh. Once she had returned to her mediocre height and slid her arms around his middle to hold him close, she closed her eyes and let him press his forehead to hers while the two of them caught their breath. 'Do you think that might tide you over until I come and join you at the table?' She managed to inquire.

'I'm not sure,' He teased. 'Perhaps one more?'

'Table.' She laughed after taking her arms from around him and pointing to the breakfast table.

He gave her a mock salute and placed a kiss on her cheek before taking hold of his cane and heading for the table, a smile curling his lips as he sat down and watched her continue their breakfast. She moved around the little kitchen with ease, boiling the kettle so that she could make some tea and moving the bacon that she'd just fried from the pan to the two plates on the kitchen side. It seemed as though she didn't have to think about what she was doing – that it was natural to her at this point – and he adored that. She ran her house and raised her children so well and he couldn't have felt prouder of her. He turned his head and glanced down the hall when the stars creaked after some time had passed, and when Grace appeared at the bottom of them and headed for the kitchen he smiled. She seemed to still be half-asleep as she held the hand of the doll that he had gotten for her, and he felt his heart swell.

'Mr. Bates, please can I have a cuddle?' She asked once she had entered the room and come to stand beside him, her voice quiet from having just woken.

He reached out to settle his hand on the curve of her cheek before his love for her deepened when she nuzzled against his palm. 'Of course, sweetheart,' He nodded before pushing his chair back from the table and lifting her to sit in his lap, one of his arms circling her waist to hold her close while his hand moved to her hair and he ran his fingers through the dark strands as she cuddled up to him. She might not have resembled her mother quite as much as her little sister did, but there wasn't the slightest difference between them when it came down to their personalities. Anna had brought her up to be just as compassionate and kind as she was and he cherished that. 'That's nice, isn't it?' He turned his head in Anna's direction at the sound of her voice and a smile spread across his lips as he watched her bring their breakfasts to the table. 'You get a cuddle, but I don't get so much as a good morning from her!'

'I can't blame her,' He smirked when she sat down in the chair next to him and Grace, who had started to fall back into slumber. 'I give the best cuddles.'

She tutted while starting to spread some butter over a slice of toast. 'I don't think I'm in a position to disagree with that. I was so comfortable last night.'

'Me too. I can't remember the last time I had such a good night's sleep.' He admitted.

'I just wish that all nights could be like last night,' She sighed after eating some of her toast. 'I hate sleeping alone, it just makes me feel a little…unsafe…'

He frowned. 'Unsafe?'

'I haven't mentioned what happened to me not long after I married Edward, have I?' She leaned back in her chair with her teacup in hand.

'No, I don't believe so.' He shook his head.

She looked down at the tea in her teacup for a time as she realised that she was about to relive the horrid night that she had tried so hard to leave in the past for the past decade, a sigh escaping her at the sight of concern in John's eyes when she looked at him. 'Most people I knew were pleased for me and Edward when we married, but there was another man who had had his sights set on me since before Edward arrived at Skelton and he was furious that I had overlooked him and married someone else. His name was Alex Green and I never felt comfortable when he was around me because he was always drunk and…and making passes at me,' Her heart pounded in her chest and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself down a little. 'One night, I think it was about a month after we'd left Skelton, Edward came downstairs and asked me if I wanted to go to the pub with him and some friends for an hour.

"I hadn't been feeling well that night, though, so I told him that I didn't feel up to it but that he could go and I would be all right alone until he came back. He didn't like the thought of leaving me home alone, but I didn't want him to miss out and so I told him that I'd lock the front door and he could take the spare key so that I could go to bed and he could let himself back in. Once he'd gone out, I headed to bed like I'd planned and I don't think it took long for me to fall asleep,' She hadn't noticed that her hands were shaking until John covered the one on the table with one of his and brushed his thumb against the back of her palm. 'I woke up again a couple of hours later and something just didn't feel right at all, so I lit the candle on the nightstand and that was when I found Mr. Green standing at the end of the bed. I still can't make sense of how he broke in, but he was just standing there and staring right at me. I started to scream because the window was wide open and I thought someone might hear, but…but he climbed onto the bed and he told me to shut up.'

Soft tears were rolling down her cheeks as she looked at her lap at this point and, as he held her hand in his, John sighed. 'Anna, sweetheart, look at me.'

She lifted her head, her bottom lip trembling as she met his gaze and felt him slide his fingers through the gaps in hers.

'Did…did he hurt you?' He asked, his heart pounding in his chest as he realised that he was rather anxious about what her answer would be.

She looked at him in silence for a minute before squeezing his hand and shaking her head in response, his relieved sigh making the love that she had for him deepen. 'He told me that he didn't come to me with the intention of hurting me and that all I needed to do was listen to him and I would be all right, so that's what I did,' She sighed. 'He said that he loved me more than Edward ever could and that I had made a terrible mistake when I walked down the aisle. In his mind, I hadn't been thinking straight when I chose Edward over him and he told me that I was in for a life of nothing but trouble and strife if I remained with him. He was delusional and drunk. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He said that it was the perfect moment for me to sneak out of the house and be with him because it would be hours before Edward returned. I found it laughable and I would have laughed if I hadn't felt so terrified.'

John's deep sigh and the hurt that she could see in his eyes at the thought of her in a situation like that caused her to run her thumb across his knuckles, and she lifted his hand to her lips in order to press a tender kiss to the back of it before she continued. 'He, um…he kissed me then and I tried so hard to push him off, but I couldn't. What I didn't know at that point was that Edward had decided to come home earlier than planned because he felt bad about leaving me when I was sick, and when he noticed that the front door had been opened he came running up to the bedroom and that was when he found me. I remember him pulling him off me and giving him a right lashing before he made sure that I was all right and dragged him downstairs. For months, he blamed himself for that night and refused to leave me home alone in case something like that happened again. He couldn't have predicted it, though.'

'What happened to Mr. Green after that night? He didn't bother you again, did he?' John's anger was evident in the shaking of his voice.

'No, I think Edward threatened him because he never acknowledged me again,' She replied. 'I heard that he...he managed to fall in front of a bus in 1907.'

He reached out to run the back of his hand down her cheek when she looked down at her lap again, knowing full well where her thoughts were heading, and when she lifted her gaze back to his he offered her a tender smile and snugged Grace, who was thankfully now fast asleep, further into his embrace. 'This little one is going to grow up to be such a strong woman because she has you for her mummy,' He watched her lips curl into a smile as her gaze fell to her little girl and his heart swelled. 'I don't know anyone who's been through more than you, Anna, and even though thinking about all the things you had to go through before we met kills me, it also makes me love you all the more. You could have allowed the things that happened in the past to change you and harden your heart, but you didn't let that happen. It sometimes astounds me how loving you are after being made to endure all of that, darling.'

'I suppose it's because I want to give the children the childhood I never had,' She admitted before bringing her teacup to her lips and having a sip of tea. 'Dad was home far more than mum was because he had a bad back which meant that he couldn't work, so mum was out at the factory most of the week. Since she wasn't at home to cook and clean and all the rest of it, he made me do everything because I was the oldest and that meant that I never had any time to go out with my friends or do what I wanted. I never really minded doing it because he was never well enough to and mum was so shattered that she went straight to bed when she came home most nights, but I knew that I never wanted my children's childhoods to be spent like mine was. Jack and Grace do have their chores, of course, but I take care of most things because it's not their responsibility to run the house and they're fully aware of that.'

Several moments passed in silence before she looked him in the eye and giggled when he shook his head at her with the most lovesick smile on his face.

'What?' She raised her brow at him.

'I just love you so much.'

'I love you too,' She reached for his hand, giving it a tender squeeze. 'I love you too…'

* * *

Cradling her baby girl's head against her shoulder and brushing her thumb against the wisps of soft blonde hair that she found there, Anna sighed while watching John fasten the buttons that ran down the front of his overcoat. She hadn't expected time to pass as quickly as it had once they had eaten their breakfast and moved into the sitting room to snuggle on the settee for a bit, but it had and now it was time for him to leave and start the long walk back to Downton so that he would make it in time to dress Lord Grantham. It wasn't as though she wasn't going to be seeing him for a long time either, since he would be coming back that evening to walk her to work at The Dog and Duck, but the thought of being away from him for hours made her heart sink. 'What time shall I be here for later on?' John' voice pulled her out of her thoughts. 'Do you know what time you're expected to begin your performance?'

'Seven,' She told him. 'I know it only takes half-an-hour to get there, but you're welcome to come at six if you'd like to have a drink with me beforehand.'

He took a step closer to her and rested a hand on her hip, the two of them smiling as he pressed his forehead to hers. 'Six sounds perfect…'

There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he would have kissed her senseless should Lily not have been there – the sparkle in his eyes made that clear – yet she was and so he settled for catching her in a kiss that was both soft and tender and tucking a blonde curl back behind her ear once he had pulled back. 'I want to hear that you've been as good as gold for your mummy when I come back tonight, little miss, do you understand me?' He teased while tickling Lily underneath her chin with his forefinger seconds later, causing the little girl to squeal with delight and hide her face in the side of her mother's neck. 'Grace told me not to go just yet because she wants to give me something, but she's taking a while.' He chuckled after turning his attention back to Anna.

Humming in agreement, she turned to shout up the staircase but before she was able to get a word out she heard Grace's bedroom door open and close. She appeared at the top of the stairs in her nightgown in no time at all, and once she had hurried down them she smiled and held a drawing out to John. 'It's a picture of me and you and mummy! So you don't forget about us until you come back!' She explained once he had taken the drawing from her and looked at it, and she beamed when he looked at her again and the expression on his face told him that he liked the little picture she had created for him.

'I don't need any help remembering you and your mummy, darling, but thank you very much,' He ran a hand over her hair. 'You're quite the little artist.'

She giggled before wrapping her arms around his waist and nuzzling her face into his coat, a deep sigh escaping her when he ran his hand slowly along the length of her back. 'I hope you have a good day at work, Mr. Bates,' She told him while curling her fingers into his coat for just a moment. 'I love you.'

John's eyes instantly stung with tears at Grace's words and when he looked over at Anna he felt his heart race at the sight of tears brimming in her own. 'I love you too, Gracie,' He reassured her after blinking back the tears and bending down to leave the softest kiss to the crown of her head. 'So, so much.'

Once she had watched John and her little girl cuddle for a little while longer, Anna took a step closer to the two of them and rested a hand on the back of her daughter's head before giving her a smile when she lifted her head off of John's stomach and looked up at her. 'Could you do me a favour, sweet-pea, and head upstairs and wake your brother up for me? Tell him that it's almost time for him to take his medication and I'll be up to him in just a moment.'

'Okay, mummy.' Grace nodded before taking her arms from around John and running upstairs as her mother had requested.

'How is Jack?' John asked once they were alone.

Anna sighed. 'He's still in a lot of pain with his ribs, but he's too much like Edward which means he won't let me in because he thinks he's bothering me.'

'Have you spoken to the police about Vincent?'

'I wanted it to be Jack's decision. He doesn't want to get the police involved because he thinks he'll be blamed for what happened and…and to be honest, I think he has a point. One of the policemen is Vincent's uncle and he's just as bad as Vincent's dad. Neither of them think he can do any wrong and if we were to get the police involved I don't doubt for a moment that Vincent's uncle would twist things until Jack looked like the guilty one,' She shushed Lily when she nuzzled against her shoulder and whined. 'Vincent could have killed him should that have been what he had wanted to do. I love Jack so much and I mean no discredit to him when I say this, but he didn't stand a chance when he went out looking for Vincent because he truly can't defend himself. He doesn't fight and that's something I'm so proud of him for because most boys his age do, but at the same time it frightens me and this is exactly why.'

Reaching for her hand, John grasped it in his and ran his thumb lovingly across her knuckles with the hope that it would bring her the slightest comfort. 'How about, when he's feeling a little stronger and he isn't in so much pain, you sit down with him and you both come up with a plan about what he's to do if he's out in future and ends up crossing paths with Vincent and his friends? For instance, if he and Grace are at the park and Vincent and his friends end up there, he's to take her somewhere else because that means that they won't have to have any contact with him and things can't get out of control.'

'That's rather a good idea, actually…' She nodded before releasing his hand and resting her own on his chest to help keep her balance while she went up onto her tiptoes and kissed him, her fingers curling themselves into his coat as his hand moved around to the small of her back and he pulled her closer. The two of them allowed their kiss to linger for a moment-or-so before she pulled back a little and sighed. 'I don't want to think of you as a replacement for Edward because that isn't what this is and I don't want that to be how the children see our relationship, but…but I'm just so glad that it was you who came into my life because you accept my children and you love them as well as me. I hope you don't feel as though I'm putting any pressure on you, but I've been thinking about how nice it'll be for Lily to never have to worry about not having a father around. She's going to grow up having you in her life.'

'I promise that I'm going to try to be the best father figure for her as well as for Jack and Grace,' He grazed her nose with his own. 'I've been thinking and I've decided that I'm not going to do anything to get Jack to accept me. I want him to accept me of his own accord and I want him to come to me when he feels as though he's ready to, just like Grace did. I want you to understand, though, that I'm never going to get sick and tired of waiting and just abandon you and move on. You never have to be worried about something like that happening because I love you and I aim to spend the rest of my life with you.'

Tears blurred Anna's vision again as she ran her hand down the front of his chest and felt her cheeks heat up, and after going back to her original height she wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek off of her skin and sniffed as her heart fluttered. 'You mean…we'll be married somewhere down the line?'

'Is that something you would like to happen? It's something I've thought of because you and the children are my future as far as I'm concerned.' He said.

'I…I'd love to be married to you one day,' She stammered. 'I'm not ready for that to happen just yet, but I definitely want to be Mrs. Bates at some point.'

'Mmm…Mrs. Bates,' He tested the title on his tongue. 'I rather like the sound of that.'

She sucked on her bottom lip. 'Me too.'

John caught sight of the clock on the wall after a time and when he realised that ten minutes had passed and he only had fifteen minutes to make it back to Downton in time, he sighed and laid a hand on Anna's waist before leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. 'I need to head off, but I promise that I'll speak to Mrs. Hughes about the position the minute I get there and I'll also telephone you just before I set off tonight so you know when I'm on my way.'

'Have a good day and try not to miss us too much.' She teased after opening the door and allowing him to step out onto the doorstep.

'Fat chance of that,' He smirked before running the back of his hand down Lily's cheek and revelling in the smile she gave him. 'I love you both so much.'

'We love you too, but we also don't want you to get into trouble which means you need to stop talking and start walking.'

Chuckling, he leaned in to steal a quick kiss from her before turning on his heel and heading off down the garden path before she had the opportunity to say anything else to him. He did pause for a moment to wave at her once he had stepped through the gate and latched it securely behind him, however, and she couldn't help but shake her head at him while waving back before she watched him disappear behind the hedges and start walking to Downton. 'Perfect, isn't he, Lils?' She tutted after heading back inside with her little girl and pressing her back against the door after closing it. 'Absolutely perfect.'

* * *

Once she had succeeded in being connected to Downton and asked the footman who had answered if it would be possible for her to speak to John, Anna rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes for a moment as the all-too-familiar ache started up again. She couldn't believe how unwell she felt. She had been fine when she had been seeing John off to work that morning, but less than an hour after he had left the house she had begun to cough and sneeze and now she could barely talk which meant that she would be unable to perform that night. It also meant that she wasn't going to be seeing John and she hated that. Especially since all she wanted at that moment was to have him there so that she could lie in his arms on the sofa for hours and rest.

'Hello?'

The sound of his voice on the other end of the line startled her for a moment.

'John, it's me…' She croaked while brushing her hair away from her forehead. 'I…I don't feel well at all. I have an awful headache, I can't breathe through my nose, I've got a sore throat and it hurts so much to talk which means I'm not going to be able to perform tonight. I wouldn't have asked for time off if I felt as though I could do it, but I'll be putting more strain on my voice if I sing tonight and it'll only make me feel worse which is something I don't want since I have to look after the children. I wanted to see you so badly and I hate the thought of having to wait another fortnight, but…but I can't manage it.'

'You have no reason to explain yourself to me,' He sighed. 'Being ill isn't something that you're in control of and it's not something that you can help, my darling, it's just a part of life. I think you made the right decision when you asked for the night off because that's what I would have told you to do if you had telephoned me beforehand. Do…do you want some company tonight? We can't go out, I understand that, but I still have a couple of hours to kill this evening and I don't mind coming to spend some time with you if that's something you want. Being alone when you're ill is awful, I'm well aware of that.'

Her heart swelled with love for him. 'Please do, I would be so grateful and all I want at the moment is for you to be here so I can lie on the sofa with you.'

'Your wish is my command, sweetheart. Is six o'clock still okay? Will that give you enough time to get Lily fed and settled for the night?' He asked gently.

She nodded. 'Six o'clock should be fine as long as she behaves for me.'

'I'll see you then, then. Why not go and try and relax? Have a long soak in the bathtub and then go and get into bed and try and sleep for a couple of hours.'

'I think I might…' She hummed while pressing the heel of her palm against her temple. 'I love you.'

'And I love you,' He replied. 'I'll see you later on, all right?'

'All right,' She echoed. 'Bye.'

Once she had returned the receiver to its holder and run a hand through her hair she smiled to herself, despite the pounding in her head which seemed to be worsening by the minute, and turned to the stairs before starting to ascend them. In all truthfulness, she hadn't the first idea of what she had done to deserve such a lovely man. She had encountered hundreds of men over the course of her life, but she had never encountered someone quite like him. He was so patient and gentle and he adored her three children as deeply as he would his own which was one of the reasons she cherished him so much.

He was the definition of perfect and she would never allow herself to forget just how blessed she was to have him in her life.

Never.

* * *

Running the back of his hand down Anna's cheek while holding her in his arms on the sofa and watching her sleep, John sighed to himself and tightened the arm that was around her waist before drawing the blanket up to her chin and kissing her on the temple when she cuddled up to him with a mumble. It had almost been two hours since he had arrived and all she had done since the two of them had laid down on the sofa together was sleep, but he truly didn't care. It wasn't as though he had come to see her with the hope that they might be able to have something along the lines of an intimate date night. He had come to see her so that he could make sure that she was all right and because he had been able to sense that she had wanted him there with her. He had promised her that he would always be there for her and the children in their hour of need and all she needed to do if she needed him was phone.

He had to admit, though, that it pained him to see her so ill.

She was so uncomfortable and run down and to take it all away for her was all that he wanted.

'John?'

Her voice was what pulled him out of his thoughts after a time and he smiled as he looked her in the eye while bringing her closer to him. 'Yes, my love?'

'I…I don't mean to be a pain, but please could I have some aspirin and some more tea?' She asked.

'You're not being a pain in the slightest,' He soothed. 'I came here to help you and that's what I'm going to do.'

She smiled and allowed him to brush one last kiss against her forehead before she lifted her arm from over his stomach and let him leave the sofa, a soft sigh escaping her when she sat herself up and pulled a cushion behind her back so that she could lean against it. She then watched him head over to the little table on the opposite side of the room and fix her a fresh cup of chamomile tea before he picked up her medication and started to walk back to her. Once he had handed the teacup and saucer to her and sat back down on the sofa she allowed him to slide his arm around her shoulders, her head lolling back against his shoulder while she cuddled up to him and watched him take the cap off the bottle of aspirin before he shook two pills out into his palm. 'Get these down you and then we can lie back down.' He told her with a stroke of her arm before she took the pills and washed them down with her tea.

It didn't take her long to drain her teacup and the relieved sigh she let out once she had placed the cup back on the saucer told him that the warmth had helped soothe her throat to some extent. He took the teacup and saucer from her when she looked up at him again and once he'd put them both down on the table he laid himself back down, the two of them sharing a smile when he opened his arms to her and she laid down in the small space between him and the back of the sofa again. For the next couple of minutes after that, they laid in comfortable silence together while she caressed his chest with her fingers and he held her close with the hand on the small of her back, but she eventually tilted her head back on his chest and sighed as she gazed at him. 'You make me the happiest woman living and I hope that you know that,' She said to him. 'I thank my lucky stars every night that you came into my life.'

'Your happiness is one of the most important things in the world to me and I hope to make you happier and happier as time passes.' He stroked her face.

Moving her head to his chest and nuzzling her cheek against his shirt, she murmured: 'And I don't doubt for a moment that you will.'

He chuckled. 'Get some more sleep, sleepyhead.'

'You won't let go of me, will you?' She draped her arm across his stomach and anchored herself to him.

'Never, sweetheart,' He kissed her head. 'Absolutely never…'

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this chapter and I'd be so grateful if you would let me know what you thought of it with a review! I'll see you all next time x**


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